Dirt Road Journey's

300

2007-11-11T23:13:00.000-05:00

I do believe that this makes post number 300! Just thought I would let you know.

Is there anyone out there?

2007-11-11T23:08:00.000-05:00

I don't put anything on here hardly at all anymore because I don't think anyone actually reads this...so it kind of takes the fun out of it. I wonder who uses blogger anymore? I don't ever hear anyone mention it. I think the world has been taken over by MySpace...yep, that's what I think.

I have one of those too....so I can't say much, I guess.

http://www.myspace.com/camptownkyoaty

In case anyone is out there.

Okay...I'm on a soap box, but screw it. I don't care.

2007-10-25T13:09:00.000-04:00

The following is a blog that my friend Lily wrote. I thought that it was worth reposting for others to see. My reply is below it. Thanks, Vanessa

>>>I have something to say that I feel is important. I believe (even though I don't want it to be true) that it is late evening in America. The sun is setting and it is going to be a long hard darkness, many will not survive.

We are in the beginning of a long recession that I can only hope we will someday pull ourselves out of. Pay attention to the news folks.

We are merely a toddler nation with many levels of organization and promptness that other nations can only dream of. It is our demand for efficiency and convenience that sets us apart from many other cultures. We as a Nation are like the spoiled little brat of the world.
We are in for a rude awakening. Our dollar grows weaker every day. Do you know what this means? As an American, are you even aware of where the dollar stands on the international market? Perhaps you should begin paying attention.

In 2001 when I visited Italy for the first time, the dollar was pretty strong. ((George had just gotten in the white house and started his mass destruction of our nation, -no one was even on to him yet.)) The dollar was equal to about 2,200 lire which was the year of the introduction of the Euro. At that time, the Euro was equal to about 1,900 lire. The Euro was also equal to about $.87. Not too shabby. Remember when the dollar was stronger that Canadian Currency? When we returned to Italy in July of 2002, the dollar and the Euro were almost even, which was rather alarming. Well, get ready for this. At this point in Oct of 2007 the Euro is equal to $1.42. That is as of Oct 24. It was $1.40 on Oct 1st. Think about that and let it sink in.
We are fast moving from one of the wealthiest countries in the world into a recession.
Imagine what the next 10 years has in store.

Our government is spending an average of $9 BILLION dollars each month on the war in Iraq. Let's not even get started on the amount of money made on the contracts to rebuild after the war. How much more damage can our Government do to its own country?

>>>Right on. We talk about this daily. It's so very scary and alarming and it isn't so hard to see us being a hungry, poverty stricken 3rd world country in OUR life time!! It's already happening. Look around at all of the empty foreclosed homes, higher than ever rate of bankruptcies and generations of families shacking up together so that they have a roof over their head and are able to keep up with rising energy costs and out of control gas prices.

Let's not even talk about the environmental impact that we, as a spoiled & arrogant nation are making on earth. The needless packaging of all toys, the need to have more more more material goods and does anyone think about the fact that we are one of the few nations where almost every household has at least 2, if not more vehicles, RV's, Gas Guzzling SUV's, Snowmobiles, Boats...? Did you ever think about the simplest things like how many plastic baggies we use every day? Does anyone ever think about the fact that cars are not the only things that use petroleum products? Every time you put on chapstick, sit in a chair, use furniture polish or many other things - you're most likely looking at something that uses our precious resources! Who gave us the right to CONSUME like that?

Did anyone stop to think that our laziness, greediness an need for higher wages (to pay for our toys and credit cards that buy MORE) with a not-my-job-to-help-out attitude is what is driving companies to China and Mexico where people are just happy to have a job? Look at the big picture! The more companies that say "up yours" to the American worker and skip town, the more people will suffer! When did we get so lazy? Probably about the time McDonalds was invented, I would guess (don't even get me started on McDonalds, either!) Did you forget that we are not indestructible? I guess we did, because we are self destructing faster than you can say "George Bush!"

Look at all of the items consumed and discarded daily at the curbside for the garbage man to pick up that are still usable, viable, fixable!! Look at all of the items that people donate to Goodwill or to a junk store that are out there collecting dust with no home! There are acres and acres of unwanted STUFF! And yet, we still CONSUME more! The general public has this "disposable" attitude of "why fix it when I can just got to Wal-Devil and get a new one for cheap?"

In addition, look at all of the companies and people that do not recycle! My own work place throws literally tons of paper and paper products out per year! I'm just one person, but I always recycle all of my scrap (but I have to take it home to my own personal bins!) or I make unwanted faxes into scrap paper for the employees. I have just begun emailing all of our schedules to our 40+ sales staff, which saves at least a REAM of paper per week! If you reduce, reuse, recycle, it saves our companies money, which, in the end will help keep a job for someone that needs one. This is OUR job to make a difference! Also, think about the amount of junk mail that goes into just YOUR mail box per day - it's alarming!! Multiply that by a million and see what happens!

Even the tiniest gestures can make a difference if people get conscious about the horrible habits that have been developed here among Americans. Right now, we are in a downward spiral and if we don't do something, our kids will have a very bleak future if any future at all! I know that it seems like I have gone off on a tangent here, but all of these things are inner-connected. Greed leads to war, lack of employment = no money, lack of money only speeds up the collapse of our economy (if we're not buying, companies don't make money, which eliminates jobs, which takes away money that we could have spent!) And no money/resources leads to crime! On and on it goes and that, my friends, is a viscious circle!

I can say one thing - we need George Bush gone forever. He's an embarrassment as a "leader" and I don't care what anyone says, this war in Iraq is about oil, not terrorism and we need to get out of there! Terrorism is just a convenient excuse! If we weren't gas guzzling consumers led by an oil tycoon, maybe the greed wouldn't be on the fore front of this economic disaster!

I'll step off my soap box now. I could keep going for a hundred years and I'm not sure that I'm making any sense anymore! But, thanks for posting this blog, Lily!

If there is anyone reading this (or gives a crap), you can stop junk mail from being sent to you by writing to:
Direct Marketing Association
Mail Preference Service
P.O. Box 9008 Farmingdale, NY 11735-9008.

Include: complete name, full address, and your signature

You can also get your name off "pre-approved offers" lists (like credit card offers!)

Send to: Equifax Options
P.O. Box 740123
Atlanta, GA 30374-0123

Include: complete name, full address, and your signature.

Also, check out http://www.freegan.info/ for ideas on how to obtain and reuse and get by in a more gratifying way!

It aint much, but it's a start!
Love you all, Vanessa

So I did.

2007-10-10T22:23:00.000-04:00

Today it felt like fall,
It rained and rained and the wind blew.
I got in an accident on 28th street.
Just my luck.

Why's it always seem like
when you're just feeling like
you can take a breath,
the pillow gets shoved over your face again?

"I'm already over it" he said.
Let it go, then, I thought.
So I did.

Burn Holes

2007-09-28T16:45:00.000-04:00

Harboring bubbling animosity toward her -
Fumbling through life with a smokey haze in her eye...
a deer in the headlights, I'm told.
Stringy blonde hair frames the tight, sharp face.
No smile in the eye; it doesn't come naturally.

Craziness sits on the op of my mind trying to trickle in.
Count the days that stomach's are sick from holding back.

Untimeliness...my true hell on earth.
A forceful derailment of plans never far off.
It's the most horrible thing that you can do to a person
like me.

Someone who cannot commit to the order of life
is driving crazy into my mind.

Truth cannot be spoken to the werewolf.
or the pack will be rounded,
lightning will strike
and the street lights will go out.

In the morning, the moon will rise yet again
and you will ask two favors.
Being driven to hell already,
I don't have a reason to help you.

When the moon goes away forever,
you'll have nothing left to bark at.
They will see the sun begin to rise
and
you'll scamper to the corner-
unable to remember your name
and I will be stuck
with a little bit of crazy
and a few burn holes.

Carter's Famous Chicken Burritoes!

2007-09-26T14:16:00.000-04:00

Let me tell ya, the chicken burritoes were a hit!

Thanks Carter!

2007-09-11T16:09:00.000-04:00

I WAIT

2007-08-30T13:34:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had one of those weeks where
you just can't seem to get your shit together?
Where the bad mood eminates from you so
much that even small animals run from you?

That's me this week.
You could hand me flowers and I would
probably kick your teeth in.

Why?
I know why.
But it's not proper to publish it here, I suppose.
I could name the subject and probably at
least half of you could identify
with how hard it is to deal with
ignorant people.
Like "ex" people
if you catch my drift.
People who think that they don't have
faults and then are quick to point out your short comings.

People that always make you feel like you owe
THEM something, when you don't
And then never bend in return.
And all you would like to do is give them one
big dose of the "what for"
but you can't.
Because the outcome wouldn't be productive.
so in the mean time, I wait.
I'm like Chuck Norris in the night.

I wait.

If you know me, then you should
just chalk my mood up to frustration.
I try to not let these types of things affect me.
That is a form of victory for the other party.
BUT, I haven't been able to sleep.
My stomach is sick. It makes my head hurt.
Every time I think about the issue
my heart pounds and my face gets red.

If I was a mature being,
I could let it go and
practice forgiveness.
Because I know the truth.
But apparently I suck
as a human.

I actually was minding my own
business and was not asking
for confrontation of this nature.
Sure, I have a rotten attitude about
this issue, but I was being nice and
ADULT.

I guess that's all I can do.
Now I'm forced to keep my mouth shut
but I don't want to.
I want to be honest and get my point across
and I can't.
At what point do you draw the line
and just tell yourself that you can't
tell people the whole honest truth about what
you feel?

Why am I not allowed to defend myself??

Because the universe said so.

I hate this hollow sick feeling in my belly.
I'm tired of confrontation.
I have a bit of a hot temper.
I don't like people to feel like they can
walk all over me.
I spent many years being a doormat
and one day I asked myself
"Why? Why do I have to be the one that is being pushed around?"
This revelation came with anger.
Anger that I had inside that I allowed to
come growling out and I've never
quite been able to tame it down again.

When I feel walked on, then I will tell you about it.
I will get mad and you will know.
But this time was different.
I was blind sided with attitude
and while I think to myself
that I should put myself
in their shoes and be a grown up,
I am having a tough time doing so.

I should think about the Tao
and leave a legacy of peace.
Because I don't like to feel so angry.
I am an otherwise happy person.

I need to wrangle up this enemy
-anger-
and put it away.
And just know that the
difference between

ME
and
YOU

is that I KNOW I have faults
and you don't think you have any.
and you are a fool if you think that
karma doesn't apply to you.

So I wait.

RAMBLIN' WAYS: NOTES FROM A RAMBLER

2007-08-09T13:38:00.000-04:00

Rambler:
noun
1. a person who takes long walks/drives in the country
2. a person whose speech or writing is not well organized

Originally my blog was called Dirt Road Journeys (although it is a somewhat lame name) because at the time, I was in the midst of making some life choices and rambling felt good. (By the way, I'm not trying to sound all autobiographical here.) Anyway, I used to drive a little 4wd Tracker all over the back roads and think about all the stuff in my life making me listless...sleepless...speechless... I loved to put all of the windows down and feel the fresh air rush in. Cruising slow, you could hear the crickets and the frogs in the swamps and near the cat tails.

In the silence...away...I could think better. No sound of swash buckling video games or the T.V. or the sound of the neighbors talking to Sam or anything, just me and my ability to think. Have you ever felt like you were walking in quicksand or moving in slow motion or seeing with your eyes closed? That "get away from me" kind of claustrophobic feeling that you get when you just need to f@#$ing think and you can't because your space is completely wrong. That's how I felt...then.

So, I would ramble. I would drive all over with some music and a cooler full of drinks and just drive and wind my way through and around the roads of Mid-Michigan (this was back in the good ole days of '04 when you could still get a full tank for twenty bucks.) I began this journey out of boredom and sheer unhappiness. I was depressed, but trying to keep busy. I would stop by the farm and sit at the round table in the kitchen and talk about whatever new lore had developed around there while everyone chain smoked around me. I would drive down lush green swamp roads and toke a little and stop in a sunny spot to relax. Just to be away.

At the same time I had never felt so creative and full of things to get out! I felt pretty in tune...I am not saying that I'm wise, but I'm just saying that I started to feel like I was growing up a little and realizing what it is to be a better person...I began to understand that I am the person that I was when I was younger. I was not the person that I tried to be later on. You can only try to fit into a mold for so long before you start to get it. I couldn't keep on being someone that I really wasn't comfortable with.

When I left, I stayed in my grandparent's motor home for a couple of weeks. Never did I have a more exiled, yet blissful hiatus. I tried to play my guitar, I listened to cd's, I played solitaire, I walked and walked. I lived on chips & salsa, apples, beer and diet coke because my nerves were raw and it's all I could bare... I lost 30 pounds. And I drove around...figuring out where I left myself. It was my quarter life crisis, I guess.

Day by Day, things began to unfold. I moved from the camper into a cottage with Wile and Sam. Wy was gone working a lot and I would load up the Tracker with the cooler and food and drive to where ever he was working - even if it was for just one night. I drove to Indiana, Detroit and even Virginia. (I swear Map quest is my best friend.) I mastered opening Oberon beer bottles with my hair brush. I relaxed a whole lot. I began to feel less angry and anxious. I began to sleep. The pieces of life were still everywhere, but at least I had a place to sleep and a job!

Now, it's 2 1/2years later...life has become more than I had asked for. We went through a real bottom out. I seriously thought that we might be homeless. I was stressing out about the reality of living in a very gracious friend's basement. Not because I was unappreciative, but because I was embarrassed that I was 30 years old and unable to work it all out.

Through all of it, I have never been sorry that I did all of that thinking and that I followed my instincts - the outcome of my dirt road journeys - to be sitting here right now in our house. I have the life that I needed to live. I have the partner I needed to have. I'm comfortable in my skin and in my life. I wouldn't trade that for the world. I feel so very content with my life and with the grip you have on the hand of my soul.

Next weekend, we'll be married and I'm happy. I'm excited to be a part of a family and to have the kind of wedding that suits us...to do this with someone who thinks like I do and values what I value. Who has the ability to be objective and understand many things that other people don't get. I appreciate that kind of union like no other. Someone who will stop and take in a sunset and go for walks and appreciate a long ride. If you stop to think about it, it's really quite romantic. Even though it never dawned on me until now.

Thank you universe for perking up my senses and allowing me to find the silver cord between us.

Live simply...less distraction equals more time for happiness and good memories. Truth.

Hoxeyville Music Festival

2007-07-31T20:42:00.001-04:00

Chris & Wy

Canoe Time!

Bree and Trina and the travelling mug!

'TIS HOXEYVILLE

The cat copes

2007-07-31T20:32:00.001-04:00

Cut down on Junk Mail & save Trees!

2007-07-24T16:23:00.000-04:00

Did you know that you can get your name off of "junk mail" lists? Avoid needless junk and clutter and save a couple trees in the meantime! It's a win-win!!

Send to:

Direct Marketing Association

Mail Preference Service

P.O. Box 9008

Farmingdale, NY 11735-9008.

Include: complete name, full address, and your signature

You can also get your name off "pre-approved offers" lists (like credit card offers!)

Send to:

Equifax Options

P.O. Box 740123

Atlanta, GA 30374-0123

Include: complete name, full address, and your signature.

We live in the Universe

2007-07-24T16:00:00.000-04:00

"Let no one be deluded that a

knowledge of the path
can substitute for putting

one foot in front of the other."

~ Mary Caroline Richards, Poet

Mark Olson

2007-07-19T23:38:00.002-04:00

Mark Olson & the O.H.R. Creekdippers & Victoria Williams

I'm so very excited to go and see Mark Olson
in August! I can't wait!!

Things to know

2007-07-19T22:52:00.000-04:00

I found out today that Biznaga is a cactus!
It's not just a weird plaque that we
found in a Reno second hand store
with tomatoes on it!
I now have answers!
answers, I say!

2007-07-19T22:51:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I feel like
I'm a black and white photo.

Wilco

2007-07-19T22:33:00.001-04:00

So much love for Wilco!!

Theologians

Theologians
They don't know nothing
About my soul
About my soul

I'm an ocean
An abyss in motion
Slow motion
Slow motion

Inlitterati lumen fidei
God is with us everyday
That illiterate light
Is with us every night

Theologians
That don't know nothing
About my soul
Oh they don't know

They thin my heart with little things
And my life with change
Oh in so many ways
I find more missing every day

Theologians

I'm going away
Where you will look for me
Where I'm going you cannot come

No one's ever gonna take my life from me
I lay it down
A ghost is born
A ghost is born
A ghost is born

I'm an ocean
I'm all emotion
I'm a cherry ghost
Cherry ghost

Hey I'm a cherry ghost
A cherry ghost

Relaxing at Waterfest

2007-07-17T23:48:00.001-04:00

Relaxing at Waterfest...it was only about 98 degrees with high humidity...zaps the ole energy!

Ian & me

2007-07-17T23:41:00.001-04:00

Notes from a Holiday

2007-07-17T23:02:00.001-04:00

Pier Fun

The setting sun casts a shadow across the cooling sand.
The waves crash at our feet and
water curls around our toes.

The sunset brilliant with oranges, pinks and purples
it sizzles down into the waterline of the big lake.
It makes a nice golden evening
that silhouettes the people walking on the pier,
making them seem unreal - just part of the
landscape...part of my minds eye.

I see the surfers out there trying to catch
a wave beside the pier where the water
breaks and makes a curl.

I can smell fuel from the big boats going
by in the channel - it's just
part of how it should smell here...
How the familiarity of all of it
makes me dig up memories from
many years past
is just amazing.

I miss the old times when my Grandma and Grandpa had their boat
and would dock it in Grand Haven for us to sleep in.
I miss the days of swimming all day and then sleeping
in the rocking boat, with the smell of the water and the
sounds of water life around us.
Now they're tired and they don't DO
like they used to and it makes me
sad and it makes me long to be a kid again
safe in someone else's care.
With a family that was still strong.

For now, I watch the kids run in the water and dig my toes in the sand.
They're so happy to have room to move and get sand in their
underwear and run around freely.
They laugh when the waves wash over them.
It makes me happy for them - that they will have those memories
of going to the big lake in the summer.
I am trying to accept that it's now our job to be the ones
that provide the safe loving environment
and instead of being the loved one, I have to be the loving one.

I look to the sunset with longing...
such a beautiful treasure
to file away in my ever changing
gallery of the mind.

The amber glow of the evening starts to fade
and I wish that I could start over again...
with the night...with my life...
But I can't.
So for now, I just enjoy
the smell of the lake
breeze and the memories
rolling around in my head.

To Revel in Peace; A Great Privilege

2007-06-13T23:41:00.001-04:00

The Universe has given me three, beautiful,
yet different children to love.
With me, I promise to be the best person that I can
and care for you as my own.

I want to live in peace,
to love my family,
to take care of fragile lives.

I do not desire conflict,
I would like to revel in peace.
Love given to you comes from pure
selflessness - or so I want it to be.

Every day I think about you and
know that the reason for me to be here
-in life-
is so that I may become the mature,
caring adult that you will look up to
and love.

Because I love you
and
want nothing else.

I let myself down

2007-06-13T23:40:00.000-04:00

The Tao says:

As you conduct your life,
Be serene and joyful,
Content and at peace.
This will be your greatest legacy.

We are not wise because
Wise people let things unfold
with as little interference as possible.
They remain out of the way,
NOT calling attention to themselves.
They discover
the natural harmony of things,
and work out their conflicts
in ways that establish true peace.

When you interfere,
and constantly meddle in other's lives,
the natural order is forgotten.
Conflicts are escalated,
learning s curtailed,
and confusion reigns.

A Warm Shower

2007-06-05T22:30:00.000-04:00

I watched from a quiet park bench as the river did it's thing.
ripple rings here and there; particles catching light; the head of a
muskrat pops up with weeds on his head (he sees me and he
dives under water.)

The sun gently slips down around waters edge; pretty yellow and
orange reflections...
Drooping branches frame my lovely sunset and make me feel peaceful.
The water, almost like glass, reflects the sky.

I sit here thinking about how stunning it all is, wondering if I'll always be here
or if I'll meander away from here too.
I think about the music that I'm listening to and
how it seems like every song is the perfect
tune for that very moment.

I wonder all sorts of things.
Random stuff.
Like why that guy that's always fishing in the park
felt to compelled to spray paint "The Stabbin Cabin" on the
spare tire of his jacked up teal blue van?
Why?

Or how come Susie Crankshaw (a name fit for a character in a book)
can't ever come in my office and say anything nice,
only negative things? I'm planning to give her an assignment -
If she has to say something negative, then she has to accompany
that with something positive or I won't talk to her.
I think it would make her feel better in the long run.

Or why do I have to be chained to my cell phone?
If I didn't have one, then my demanding, high maintenance friend
couldn't call me to tell me that I'm self centered.
(Wow, I think I just talked myself into getting rid of my cell phone!)

At this moment, none of it really matters. I've tuned out even
the sound of the highway across the river for now.
My heart has relaxed and on this 60 degree June night,
I start to breathe in the sweet air all around me
and I realize that I don't really care who thinks what about me
and with a sigh of relief, I slowly walk home for a shower.

A Good Sense of Humor Will Get You Through

2007-04-27T16:48:00.000-04:00

This is a van that Wile spotted in the Lowe's Parking lot!! Awesome!

Man...time just flies by, doesn't it?

Here it is Friday afternoon again...another week gone by.
It's been raining and raining for the past couple of days, but the weekend
is supposed to be 70 degrees and sunny!
Sounds good to me...Good for opening the windows and wearing shorts.

I can't believe it's almost May already.
This really is my favorite time of year.
We've been talking about camping a lot.
I am so itchy to get out jogging.
So far, this spring has been really cold and wet...
I'm eager to get out and stretch my legs.

I'm trying to have a good sense of humor about things -
Like looking at months with joy instead of worrying
that it's almost May and I have a bunch of new bills due...
It's easier for me to be optimistic in the spring
and summer when the promise of new life

makes you feel good.

So, kind of a boring post, but at least there

is the NINJA BEAVER to fall back on!!

Colored Eggs

2007-04-09T20:45:00.000-04:00

We had a nice Easter Weekend.

The kids loved their new bunkbeds

that their dad built.

We rushed around painting them half of the night

on Wednesday in anticipation

of the kids arrival on Thursday.

They were so excited about their new room

that Kaya jumped under her new

Monkey quilt and said

"I'm going to bed with a smile on my face!"

And with a toothless grin

she pulled the covers up to her chin.

On Saturday we had a birthday party for Ian

He turned 3!

Wile took him out by himself and spent

some Dad/Ian time together.

In the meantime, Kaya and Caleb and I

went to the store and got cake stuff and ice cream.

I let the kids crack the eggs and stir the batter for the cake.

When Wile and Ian got back,

we had a cook out and cake and ice cream.

Wile colored eggs when the kids went to bed that night

and I assembled Easter Baskets.

In the morning, we had an egg hunt and breakfast.

Followed by too much candy and rushing around

to get to Amy's house for the Easter "Preston" Clan

Get together.

We had a really fun time

and

I sent all of the kids' candy home with them

so I wouldn't eat it! ;)

Back to a quiet house until next time.

Whatever shall I do?

Fred Meijer Gardens

2007-04-06T21:08:00.000-04:00

Wile took the kids to Fred Meijer Gardens on

Good Friday.

It's their spring break tradition.

Of course I had to work...

Poop.

To Blog or not to Blog

2007-04-04T16:26:00.000-04:00

Does anyone still use Blogger? Or is it dead to Friggin My Space???? Ugh....

I don't want to post anymore because it doesn't seem like anyone is out there? Am I wrong??

Living Organisms

2007-03-07T21:50:00.000-05:00

Things of that nature

I need to write things. I have pressure built up there in my fog brain.

It's stress fermentation.

Let's just call this free association and then pretend like it all makes sense when I let my brain "puke Maytag on the highway." (So to speak) Paying attention? I didn't think so.

blaaagghhh...........okay, so I met the quintessential Yoga teacher today...I know it's wrong, but she made me giggle because she was so hung up on her Yoginity that she made herself seem ridiculous. She used the breathy sleepy voice all through class - that no one could hear - like she was trying to put us in a trance, but all it made me want to do was point a giant foam finger at her and say "YOU, woman, speak up!" She drives a Subaru for sure. (Support Organic Farmers!) ;-) Do I make sense? No. I told you...it's the fog brain. It's like "The Mist" in Skeleton Crew, only it's in my brain... Let's work backwards for the heck of it. When I left for my class, I walked down the front steps and stepped off the bottom step and slipped on the ice and fell flat on my tail bone. Pisser. I dropped my phone and my purse and I got up and was all snowy. Now my butt hurts...but I'm still all limbered up from class. Gee, can't wait to see how stiff I'll be in the morning. My birthday is this weekend and for some reason, it's been one of those things that has turned into the biggest hassle. I don't even care now. It's been lame. Back and forth about whether we have the kids this weekend or not. All I wanted was to have a fun time. I won't even get a chance to see my mom. Last week we got robbed out of our own basement by the guy that was supposed to be fixing the upstairs neighbors furnace. The guy's boss (surprisingly named "Wisdom") spit in Wile's eyes on our porch during the fight that insued over the missing stuff, but I doubt that he will do that to someone again. Everyone wants to move, but we're in limbo until we talk to the landlords and we're at their mercy. It's making me crazy. I just want to get settled somewhere. They could just be jerks and tell us we can't get out of the lease. At the same time, we have an application out for a really nice house across from Riverside Park and we really want to live there, but we have to wait and see if he accepts us. If he accepts us, then we would be so very happy, but I don't know if he will. Credit problems are a bitch. Stress fermentation...limbo...brain freeze...ready for spring...It's supposed to get up to 48 degrees next week. Man, I hope so. I'm so ready for a heat wave. (ha, ha.) We were just discussing how it's funny that we're excited that it's staying light out until 7:00pm now. Plus we set our clocks forward this weekend. More light is a blessing for my birthday. I'm so glad that spring is around the corner.

Well, off to bed. Cobwebs be gone. Bed bugs, come keep me warm.

On the Wall at Jimmy John's

2007-03-01T22:38:00.000-05:00

"There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven."

Happy Happy Joy Joy

2007-01-24T22:38:00.000-05:00

...SO MANY SONGS ABOUT CALIFORNIA

2007-01-24T22:28:00.000-05:00

I told my dad the other day that the Pacific Coast is where my heart is.

He said: "Then find a way to get there."

I felt like I had been set free.

Sleeping in is my favorite perk

2007-01-24T22:25:00.000-05:00

It's so nice to not have to drive so far to work. I had to go back to the old house yesterday and I was thinking "holy shit, this really is a long ride." I spent the last 8 months of my life driving an hour to and from work. Now I can sleep til 8. Hallelujah.

No Hubcaps, No Conclusion, No Problem

2007-01-24T21:53:00.000-05:00

"His goal in life was to be an echo" ~Wilco

Meth shake in place, he stood in short sleeves in the blustery cold and stared blankly
at the road. He seemed to be thinking (or not really thinking...whatever) "I think I'm
waiting for someone, but I'm not really sure...but who ever it is, I'm sure they'll be here soon..."

Pacing and pacing and shaking his hands, he walked around his car. He fingered his blondish 1970's mustache and talked to himself...The car...nearly as puzzling as the guy that I watched through the steamed up windows while I waited for you at the gas station...the car...I have no idea what it was...one of those ugly 1980's Ford LTD type of cars. Gas Hog, Two tone gray, no hubcaps. What was odd was that the guy...meth guy...had three large heavy appliances strapped to it. It looked like a dishwasher and a stove strapped in the open trunk and a refridgerator strapped to the roof. The weight of all three had the car's bumper trying to kiss the pavement. One bump and I'm sure those straps would have given and the car would have puked Maytag on the highway.

I watched as he pulled out a golf club. He came around the front of the car (still talking to himself) and propped the hood up. He came back around and got out a quart of oil. He sat it on the front bumper of the car and then he fidgeted around for quite some time. Talking to himself, anxiously looking at the road, squirming around, shaking his hands, fingering his mustache.

The roads were bad...I mean really bad. It had snowed all day... Why had he picked a day like today to haul heavy junk? He did not put the oil in the car or even check the level. He closed the hood and swiped the oil off of the bumper and caught it mid air.

He went inside and asked for matches. When told that they didn't have any, he nervously and shakily picked through the lighters unable to make a choice.

Pearl

2007-01-24T21:40:00.000-05:00

On the corner of Pearl & Division sits a church - I think it was called St. Paul something or other...they had a Rainbow of diversity flag hanging outside. I thought it was cool to see it out there waving bravely in such a conservative city. Yea liberals.

CLIFF NOTES

2007-01-23T11:00:00.000-05:00

The value of a drink as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

For the record, I always loved the show Cheers and as a kid, my brother and I would always make a point of watching it every week.

The Value of a Drink

2007-01-23T10:56:00.000-05:00

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame, Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

water...so much water...under the bridge

2007-01-16T23:39:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!

I know it's just another day in the progression of many,
but on paper, it is a new year.
We all think of "New Years Resolutions" at the last minute...
that barely anyone sticks to,
but for me it's different.

When I thought of things for the new year that I want to happen, things came to mind like:
"for the new year I'd like to feel happy and have a place to live."
It's easy to see how things can spin out of control for people in life.
If you aren't strong with a will to survive, then you're
under a bridge somewhere living in a box in LESS than a heartbeat.

Let's just say that we've decided that the past year was one filled with
Heaven
and also
Hell.
I guess it isn't unlike most years, but the

black
and
white

of it all is very amazing...
and not amazing in the best of ways, either.

We spent the first part of the year
gazing upon the Sierras
and taking day trips to San Francisco
and driving through Napa Valley
...and making enough money to
support our dreams and
the dreams of those around us
who we were/are obligated to.

Beginning in the second part of the year,
we packed up the cars and the U-Haul
and
busted ass across country -
driving nearly straight through
so that we could make it back
to The Great Lakes State
to interview for a job
so that we could be home with our
families
and
friends.

Arriving here seemed full of promise.
It was so good to see everyone.
I got the job that we drove here for.
Things seemed under way...

...Then they gradually deteriorated into
near homelessness
as we sat and watched Michigan's
economy fall apart
and continue to force hard working
people to move away.

Anyway,
I keep thinking about all of it...
doing some reflecting on why
things are the way they are.
Sometimes things aren't so easy to articulate,
but in the simplest terms -
I believe that this has been a test.

A test to our relationship
and relationshipS
and a learning experience
and a penance for our sins
and a chance to learn how to be a grown up.

I do believe that there are reasons
for everything
If I could just simply explain it,
I would say that I used to operate
in a single minded, self centered kind of way.

THAT is because I didn't HAVE to be a grown up.
I didn't have to worry about anyone but me.
I would walk out of friendships and people's lives
because I FELT like it really wouldn't matter to them,
like I didn't really matter to them.
Now, don't get me wrong, this isn't a "feel sorry for myself" kind of revelation.
This is a "why the hell would I really matter to them?" kind of revelation
Until recently, I never understood that I
-for whatever reason-make a difference sometimes.
Like how I deal with my little brother.
He's kind of a brat, so I would be short with him.
I realized that I was hurting his feelings and so it
made him more hard to handle.

I haven't ever wanted to be important to anyone.
Dee felt abandoned when I decided to not be friends
with her anymore and she felt bad about it for a few years.
When she confronted me about it, it irritated me
because I couldn't understand why it mattered. I felt like she needed to get a life.
It made me realize that my choices effect other people - more
than I could have ever known.

Before this, I've never spent much time with kids either...
It's AMAZING how much they can drive you crazy
and go through the house like Tasmanian Devil's
and refuse to go to bed and all of the things that little kids do...
(and you're thinking: "Man, get a vasectomy, PRONTO!!")
and then they say something cute or do something funny
and your heart melts and you're totally bummed when
they leave because you never realize how much
meaning they bring into your life until you actually stop and feel it.
Then you spend time giggling about the little things she did
or the funny stuff that he said...
and you realize, "hey kids are pretty neat!"
They matter to me, maybe I matter to them.

Then I went to the girl doctor last week and she told me that
I better start thinking about having kids if I'm going to,
because my eggs are getting older now...
Ugh.
I've just come to grips with how stuck in my ways I am...
I just don't know if I'm capable of
doing it...I'm not terribly maternal.
I blame that on the Beardslee side.
all partiers with no center.
That's not what I want to be.
But I'm still unsure of whether my high school proclamation of
"no kids for me" still stands or what?
Just like me to be wishy washy. I think that my picture is in the
dictionary next to "undecided."

It's so hard that I'm not the mom
in my new family. It makes me jealous
that I'm not the one who got to share that
experience with the man I want to spend my life
with. It's hard that her number is still under "HOME"
in his cell phone.

I have learned so much about myself...
Sometimes it scares me and other times...
I am happy with the strength that I have found
and (hopefully) the personal growth that I so need and desire.

The new year is going to be better.
It has to be.
I'm going to get settled,
take yoga
and start cooking more.
Those are things that are easy to adhere to.
The hard part is accomplishing the
things that I really want to do...
like
being more patient,
making more time for relationships
and playing with the kids more
because for whatever reason,
I do make a difference.
(even if I don't know why.)

Happy New Year!

2007

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2006-12-19T11:37:00.000-05:00

2006-11-14T16:28:00.000-05:00

Dear Wile, I love you.

DOGS PLAYIN' CARDS

2006-10-24T09:42:00.000-04:00

Dogs playing cards is all we really are.

Trick Shuffle,

Rob Peter to pay Paul...

I was once

told

"fake it until you make it"

from of all people...

my landlord.

We are faking it.

Poker faces in place.

Can you tell that

I'm barely breathing

with my

toes

crossed and all of that jazz?

Ace

Queen

Jack

King...

Elvis?

Only in velvet, please.

Preferably from a street vendor

if you will.

I wag my tail and

I pray.

That one day our

hand is a good one

and we can

buy some apples for the bowl

and a roof over our head.

It isn't all bad is it?

Playin' cards builds

character.

And I know that we won't be left

in the cold.

I have faith in four

legs and anything

that lacks

opposable thumbs.

2006-10-20T16:40:00.000-04:00

~JOSH ROUSE ~

1972

"MIDDLE SCHOOL FROWN"

No it aint the way that your hair hangs down,

and you dance like a clown

We just don't like you around

You were a New-Waver,

it was 1983,

I was new on the scene,

I just wanted everyone to like me

So I told 'em that we're not friends and I thought you were wierd,

what a two-faced thing to do

And you held your head high,

And you held your head high when you walked down my street,

oh no At my birthday party you just showed up,

we were so stuck up,

we just wanted to be mean

Yeah there goes that girl with the cheap guitar,

she's a punk rock star,

she's a dying art

And you held your head high,

And you held your head high when you walked down my street,

And you rolled your eyes to the sky,

yeah you rolled your eyes to the sky,

You don't feel a thing,

And you held your head high,

And you held your head high when you walked down my street,

oh no No it aint the way that your hair hangs down

and you dance like a clown,

Its the middle school frown

ORIGINS

2006-10-19T16:31:00.000-04:00

Rust colored leaves

falling all around

Harvest in the darkness

Soon it will be

Devil's Eve

Costume and fire

Halloween's origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in).

The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom, and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31, they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth.

In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter. To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities.

During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other's fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.

Put a Smile on Your Face

2006-10-16T16:26:00.000-04:00

Huckleberry's

2006-09-23T09:18:00.000-04:00

Last year at this time.

A drink at Huckleberry's in '05...

In another life, I used to work there. I wasn't ever really good at being a waittress. It wasn't my kind of atmosphere. But I sure like to sit at their old bar and have a drink now and then. I haven't been there in a long while now, but that place isn't going anywhere...and neither am I.

Make Believe Hurdles

2006-09-08T11:42:00.001-04:00

Sometimes the dusty dirt road that is my brain
twists and turns into uncharted territory.

I'm pretty blatant with my thoughts.
I don't usually leave much to the imagination
with my writing or anything else.
I wish I was one of those people
that could entertain with my thoughts
and words.

I wish that I could think of interesting,
coherent things to say that make
people want to know what it is
that I think about...and keep reading
or even keep listening.

The truth is that I'm not that
interesting.
I have been finding out that
people don't think of me as someone
that knows things
or
someone whose opinions mean anything.

And that is uncharted territory
because
at least in my own mind,
I think that most of us
want to be important
or heard
or do something that we feel good about
and
I do nothing.
I contribute nothing.

I stand before make believe
hurdles
and I never manage to step
over them.

I never manage.
I'm not very strong
I have big ideas -
big dreams

I watch my cousins start businesses
and take chances
and make money
and do just fine.

Instead of being smart,
I rushed into marriage,
lollygagged into debt
got stuck with a house
that should be owned
by someone more
capable.

As I walk, I can feel
the gravel crunching
below my feet.
I can smell
I can feel
I can think...
why can't I do?

I'm not really feeling
sorry for myself.
I'm not really feeling
at all.

I just write boring things
so that my mind can be
emptier.

I used to read
and draw
and do creative things

and have ideas.

I feel like I'm a good person.
But sometimes that just isn't enough.
I still can't make anyone happy.
I can't be good enough.

I won't ever be good enough.
Unless you need someone
to be mad at.

Then fricken fire away
so that I can stand there and
cry
about everyone elses
problems.

And no one cares about mine.
I guess I can't expect anyone else to care
because it isn't their job.
So fuck it.

All I have left is
fog brain.
And all I really want to do is make
flyers and paint signs
and get something
rolling.

I have this wonderful
relationship that makes me
feel better than anything
I've ever had.
So why do I feel like
YOU
want it on the rocks?

I want to devote my life to
you

and US.

I DON'T think in
terms of
just me
and
just you.
I think in terms of
getting OUR
shit straight.

So, there.
There wasn't too
much beat around
the bush in this.
Just a little meandering to
figure out the
right way to say
that
I love you.

And I'm just me
and I probably won't change
and I will do what I can
to be half of this pair.

EMBROIDERED SHIRTS

2006-09-06T14:27:00.000-04:00

Won't someone PLEEAASSSEEE buy my house?

I really just want to sell my house. It has been on the market for over a year now. It's such a cute place...I just don't get it. Not too long ago, I was told that there are something like 12 houses available for sale for every one (1) buyer in the state of Michigan right now. I think it's probably like that everywhere, but I'm not really sure. All I know is that I can't afford to be so far away from work anymore.

Anyone need a cottage? A second home? C'mon, who wants to move to Michigan? It has been shown, but there are just too many places for sale. This place is well taken care of and is professionally landscaped!

Our property includes 30 feet of frontage on a 380 acre all sports private lake, with a dock and a two+ car garage. There are 3 bedrooms (2 upstairs, one down) with a small walk in closet in the master bedroom. There is one large bathroom, an open living room/kitchen area, including a flat top electric stove & newer refrigerator. The living room has a nice natural gas fireplace. The kitchen and bathroom have ceramic tile on the floor and counter tops. The house was built in 1993, is approximately1,900 sf, has efficient forced air natural gas heating and central air conditioning and a large deck with stairs down to the lake front.

If I can't sell this place SOOOON, I may have to go into emergency mode as all of our resources are depleated and we can't keep up! And all of this can be YOURS for only $174,900!! It's a good deal for lake front property and I'm sure all two (2) of you that look at my blog are rarin' to go! hahahahee heee heeee ho ho ho...Sniff...sniff...sniff...BREAKDOWN inevitable!

And SHE'S in a huff about embroidered shirts. Send her to public school, then. Then maybe she can use the school clothes (and billions of other clothes that she already has) that I bought before anyone told me that she can't wear real little kid clothes to school. Ugh. (Note: You can be sure that she will get her shirts, but whatever happened to individuality?)

Buy my house and we can afford new shirts for EVERYONE. We'll even have them embroidered for you free of charge...Maybe they could say "Hero" on them or something like that...And all will be well with the world and we can buy fruit for the bowl and gas for our cars.

SILLY

2006-08-31T11:18:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I was just thinking that maybe it wasn't the greatest idea to point out where I live on blogger. I'm a loser and for the record, I'm flat broke, so it's futile to plan to rob me and don't think that I don't have a shotgun. Plus, I'm a cagefighter and I carry mace.

View thy Mitten

2006-08-30T18:43:00.000-04:00

Me Mitten

Ye old Mitten. See the Upper Pennisula, eh? Almost Canadian, but not quite. We sit on the west side of the state (left to you) about half way up (in the mitten part) and about 2 counties inland in a county that's kind of 'L' shaped or like an upside down boot. See it? It's pink. I'm waving to you. Hello Wile, Hello Casey, Hello Laurent, Hello Sara. You're a lonely bunch, aren't you? You poor things, stuck reading my silly blog......well, thanks. :)

Autumnal Cycles

2006-08-30T15:07:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's Wednesday already...and would you look at the date? August 30th. Sheesh. Summer just went ahead and slipped away like it always does, didn't it? I was looking out the front window yesterday thinking "man, look at those yellow leaves! Ugh." Yes, they're pretty alright, but they sure don't last long.

Actually I love the fall, it's a nice time of year...I get to a point at the end of summer where I'm ready for my jeans and sweatshirts and bonfires and all of that. But the thought of what comes next - gutting out the 4 or 5 months of bone aching cold and slush and muddy roads and slow traffic of winter makes my feet cold. Winter has it's advantages...I love it for a little while. It's fun getting snowed in and watching movies and throwing snowballs, but after Christmas and New Years when the festivities have fizzled and there's not much going on and February has set in...you just think "Arrgghh, will this ever end?"

Okay, so I'm really not trying to bitch about winter...not my point at all, but sometimes I get off on tangents.

I'm excited because I have a three day weekend for Labor Day and Wile and I are going to the Upper Penninsula (still in Michigan, you know.) to backpack at Pictured Rocks. (Check out http://www.exploringthenorth.com/pictrocks/pr.html for cool pictures of the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore.) I'm from Michigan and I'm ashamed that I've never been there before! Just check out the pictures on the aforementioned website and you will see the beauty! We've been planning for a long time to spend the traditional last-hurrah-of-summer-weekend up there backpacking before the cold sets in. I think it's a 5 or 6 hour drive up there, but I'm told it's well worth it. It's good to explore the home country...there's beauty everywhere, but sometimes you just have to look for it.

Well, anyway, fall has cycled around again. I remember last year, sitting out on the steps at our newly rented cottage on Baldwin lake, looking at the setting sun wondering what the future would hold. Feeling the slight chill to the air, watching the Canadian Geese fly by, noticing the earlier decent of the sun... We were starting a new life...falling in love, making brushetta (sp?) in the kitchen, taking midnight walks and sticking together. I remember driving to Grand Rapids to have a beer at the Cottage Bar and getting pulled over on Fulton because we were talking so much that I wasn't paying attention to my speed. Then we got new Allstar High Tops...his in blue, mine in green. Awe, cute. It's all still there...even more now. I love our memories and I'll always love the fall.

Isn't amazing how I can turn any blog into a gushy one? I guess we must be doing something right. :)

Well, it's almost 5 and I'm home alone tonight. I think I'll take Wile's advice and do something that I want to do tonight instead of something that I feel like I need to do (I have compulsive cleaning problems), so I'm going to be a wino and read, I think - and it sounds fabulous.

Cheers.

LINKS OF INTEREST

2006-08-16T15:35:00.000-04:00

HEY!

I've added a couple of new links! KC Coffee Company & Chris & Trina's Webpage.

KC Coffee Company is my cousin Carter's business. Take a look at his stuff - he's doing really well and his coffee is primo!

Chris and Trina's webpage has some great pictures from area festivals and also a listing of upcoming events.

Alright...peace out!!!

SIDE NOTE

2006-08-15T15:18:00.000-04:00

As an addendum to my Be Good Tanyas post -
Our love affair started with a post card that I sent him...
Best thing I ever did...

"None of my love
Floating wild come back to me
So I write you a letter, I'll write you a letter
With this here pen"

And here we are....and so it shall be.

The Be Good Tanyas

2006-08-10T10:42:00.000-04:00

If you've never heard of The Be Good Tanyas, I recommend that you check them out. The band consists of 3 women from Vancouver, B.C. They've been described as a band for those that are "thirsty for real backwoods hooch." (lol) We've had "Chinatown" since last winter and I've spent a lot of time letting that disc spin over and over in my car.

When we drove up Highway 1 on the Pacific Coast on an unusually warm day in February, we popped Chinatown in as the sun warmed our faces driving through Napa Valley. You can imagine the wonderful association that I have with that day, that music and the love present.

On my recent trip to Virginia, we lazed around the campfire and again let the songs play while we talked and drank wine. My favorite song "Ship out on the sea" gives me goose bumps every time I hear it.

"I'm a ship, I'm a ship, I'm a ship
Out on the sea
None of my love
Floating wild come back to me
So I write you a letter, I'll write you a letter
With this here pen
Don't make me wait, don't make me wait
Cos I'm your friend...

Plant me in the garden
Don't you let me roam
Cuz love is a feeling like a warm dark stone
Plant me in the garden
Don't you let me roam"
(lyrics from Ship out on the sea.)

They also do a couple of covers on this album including "Waiting around to Die" by Townes Van Zandt. Sometimes Frazey's soulful singing stirs - how to explain? - Um, Billy Holiday feelings within me...

I just love them. I hope they come out with more albums as their last release was in 2003! Check them out!

environmentally irritated

2006-08-05T15:51:00.000-04:00

ARRRGGGHHH!

It's Saturday and I'm at work writing out tags for clearance mattresses!

Wow, what a dream come true!!!!!!!!!! lol.

My boss, Lee, is on the phone now, so I took this opportunity to take my shoes off for a minute.

I can't wait to go home and continue my irritation in a different environment.

So I'm a big fricken child....hahaha

2006-08-05T00:04:00.000-04:00

Finally a price we can live with

PERSPECTIVE

2006-08-01T15:42:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure why, but I consider myself
a "thinking" person.

I'm able to see both sides of a story.
I can form my own opinions about things.
I'm able to understand why people think the way they do.
I am also able to decide for myself what
I think about what other people think.

For instance, I'm a democrat.
But...I can understand how people can go the other way too.
I may not always agree with you, but I understand.

If I have couple friends that are fighting,
I can understand why both of them feel the way they do
rather than taking sides.

I'm not religeous,
but I have spirit.
I don't like church,
but I won't deny you
your center.

I'm smart enough to know that there are always
two sides to every story.
I wish everyone was like that.
But, this isn't a perfect world is it?
Not that I'm saying that I'm perfect.
FAR FROM IT!

I'm emotional.
I have a bad temper.
I can be wishy washy.
I probably drink too much.

I'm also kind of a hippie.
I like blue grass music.
If I had my way, I'd probably be
driving a Subaru and eating nuts and berries
in the nude. Who knows?

But.....I also hold down a full time job
and wear heels to work.
Not cut and dry.
Not black and white.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that passing judgement
on anyone really sucks, but most of us do it from time to time.

It has been brought to my attention that I was
the subject of small town gossip fodder around a campfire.

Gossip like this from someone ignorant shouldn't bother me,
But it does because all of it was one sided and, well, IGNORANT.

Ugh, it isn't even worth the effort that I put into this blog!
It's just boggles the mind.
But, putting it down,
helps me with perspective and
PERSPECTIVE IS A WONDERFUL THING!

TOMATO IN THE FACE

2006-07-31T15:16:00.000-04:00

Some days I get it,
Some days I don't.

I feel odd today....
Felt good before that.

I can't tell you what the difference is,
but I can't sleep anymore.

I feel like a single slice of cheese
on a triple decker sandwhich
with a tomato right on my face.

...and that is the pits.

I don't really feel like
I have life by the tail.

Wish I could be one of those
independent people that could
just ride off into the sunset...

...happily and not need anyone.

But I do.

And I don't want to get used to being alone.
And that is that.

Puss & Bites

2006-07-30T22:11:00.000-04:00

Odd luck...

Would you like to touch my mustachy?

My brother got bit in the face by our cat. He had vanished from our party for awhile and I finally located him in the bath room with a face full of tissues. The cat had almost completely bit through his lip! It was the strangest thing that could have possibly happened in the midst of our party!

He tried to save her from an uncomfortable confrontation with Lily and Marco's dog...and she decided to bite him in the face on the way in the house!

When he came out of the bathroom with those bandaids on his lips, we couldn't stop laughing! Lily busted out the Sharpie and gave him the Pierre mustache!

As you can probably imagine, we have some great pictures; for this isn't the only dressing he had on his face for the night!

Smith Mountain Lake

2006-07-26T23:55:00.000-04:00

cute

Wow! I had such a great trip to Virginia. It took me 12 hours to get there, but I was greeted with warm hugs and much love. It was what we both needed and things feel so much better. We camped out at the Smith Mountain Lake State Park. AHHHHH! It was sweet!

Chip Eater

2006-07-26T23:40:00.001-04:00

cute little eyebrow - need I say more?

Do the eyebrow thing, honey!!! :)

On the Road Again

2006-07-20T17:50:00.000-04:00

Another Journey...

Gettin' a bunch under my belt these days.

Got my car all packed and heading south tomorrow for a weekend rendezvous with my man.

Virginia...I hear it's beautiful....and humid... I haven't seen Wile since August 5th. Don't know when he'll be back either, but I scraped up our meager pennies and I loaded the car up with camping gear so that we can spend a couple of days together.

Both of us are so excited. The other night he was talking for a long time about work. He finally said "sorry, I'll stop." I said "That's okay, I'm just listening. You can keep talking." And he goes "I just miss you." Nothing could warm my heart more or make me feel better than that.

We may not have very much money, but we always come up with fun things to do together. I hope it always stays that way.

I'll make the 11 hour trip home on Monday morning. I'm sure I'll feel sad the whole way. But some days together are better than none. That's the best we can do right now.

No Climax in Sight

2006-07-19T23:05:00.000-04:00

I'm not the best at staying up all night.
I have this built in clock that starts prodding me
toward bed around 10:30.

When we were on our way home from California,
I had a VERY hard time staying awake all night
while I followed Wile and our U-Haul on the
interstate.

On the first night, before I had that
"Been up for 2 days adrenaline buzz" going on,
I had to drive with the light on so that I wouldn't
doze. During that time, I had a lot of time to think.

I came up with all of these things to write about.
Anything from the music playing at one of the many
Flying J Travel Plazas to the latest weird
3rd shift gas station attendant.

I got my clip board out and I made pages and pages
of random notes about the whole experience
(don't give me any crap about writing and driving...
it's better than dozing and driving! lol.)
and low and behold, the hours flew by and I didn't fall asleep
at the wheel!

I was really excited about the whole story springing
to life through my scribbling.
I left the notes (about 11 pages of them!)
on my clip board for safe keeping.

When we got home, some how, some way...
those pages got lost. I've searched high and low for
them, but there is no happy ending...no climax in sight.

Just lost.

Shit, it would have been a pretty cool story too.

No Locusts Detected

2006-07-18T16:56:00.000-04:00

We had a storm last night that scared the poop out of me. If you knew me, you would know that I love love love storms and will sit up at night just to watch them. But this one was a little different.

It was so weird because it came out of the south west and it hailed, rumbled, blew and knocked trees down. Our neighbor's lost part of their boat launch, dock and their jetski's! I missed the initial blast that knocked power out to most of Mid-Michigan (Consumer's Energy estimates a Friday turn on date...good bye groceries!) because I was on my way home from work.

As I got closer to home, things became wetter and wetter, then I started seeing branches in the road and when I passed the Almy Cemetery, there were BIG pines down everywhere. When I pulled in my drive way, I could see the neighbor's out in the yard looking at the mess before them. Mostly it just looked like a junk heap around their dock area. They were all shook up because apparently, the storm came on quick and they were all at the Island hanging around when it came. They were pelted by hail and rain and when they got back to the boat launch, half of them were getting off the boat and half of them were on shore when the big tree came down in between them. Luckily no one got hurt, but it literally brushed past them as it fell, smashing one of the guy's watches on it's way and tearing it off of his arm.

Things quieted down, but it was still rumbling and sprinkling like it always does after a bad storm...kind of like the world has a hang over or something... My friend Scott was standing outside smoking when he poked his head back in and said "I do believe that storm is coming back toward us." My dad, who is an arm chair meteorologist, didn't believe him. I went outside and took a look and sure enough, the wind had changed directions completely and the sky was black with swirling clouds. The storm had pivoted and come back at us from the North West! We watched in awe as the clouds formed scary funnel like shapes and the wind picked up and the rain came in sheets with chain lightening and thunder rolling every few seconds. The second storm lasted for a few hours! We had downed electrical wires and no cell phone signals.

As it got darker, the storm began to wind down. We watched the whole thing sitting in chairs in front of the sliders in the living room. It was just too good to not watch! We still don't have power or water...this should be an interesting week.

My dad kept saying things like "Doesn't it seem like we're in Burma?" He always compares where we are to somewhere else...I just want to say "No, it seems like we're in boring Howard City! You need to get out more, dad." lol.

It's weird because a couple of years ago, we were in such a severe drought, that our pontoon boat was sitting in the mud and now the water is a good 3 or 4 feet ahead of the boat on the dock. It's nice to see the lake at a normal level!

I thought a lot while I was watching this storm about how I wished that Wile could be there with me oohing and ahhhing over the fantastic light show. He doesn't know how much he's cared fore. I can't wait to tell him.

My Dad and I joked that it must be the apocolypse. I told my dad that if he saw locusts to let me know.

ONE COOL MONKEY CHILD

2006-07-14T20:14:00.000-04:00

A precious little boy and his array of farm animals. Caleb James, take the mic!

As I Rise

2006-07-14T13:42:00.000-04:00

I have come a few miles.
I got blisters on my slippered feet
As I rise, as I ri-ise.
California's ok.
But I think I might stay in the shade
For a while, for a whi-ile.
Ladybird, ladybird
You're the prettiest song I heard
In a while, in a whi-ile.
La di dah, la dah, la di dah dah dah la dah, la la la, la dah
dah-ah.

~THE DECEMBERISTS
HER MAJESTY

I feel like I've come a few miles and I AM going to lay low in the shade for awhile...It's the only way I will feel better.

The joy of pain

2006-07-12T21:58:00.000-04:00

A year ago, I left my husband.

I lived out of my car for a week.

...Stayed in my grandparent's motor home for awhile.

...rented a house.

...got a divorce.

Then we moved to California...

and then back again.

Tomorrow would have been 4 years of marriage. Whatever happens in my life, I KNOW that I made the right decision to leave. I saw him today for the first time in a long time. It was sad in the way that I didn't even feel like I ever knew him.

When our world blew up, I stayed with you at Tacoma Lake. We swam under starry skies. That, I've found, is the BEST place to spend time with you.

Maybe I'm a bad person. At least I'm an honest one.

I walked 5 miles today. I wore my head phones and I listened to Cold Roses by Ryan Adams and the Cardinals. It reminded me so much of the pain and excitement and wonder and all of that stuff that was a year ago when everything seemed a lot more tangled. It's amazing to think that it's been a year already. I remember listening to that CD in the motor home and trying to play along on my guitar (for the record, I couldn't.) It was a strange and lonely time for me. Really one of the first times that I was truely alone. I can remember how it smelled in there and I sat at the table eating apples, making jewelry and sneaking off to smoke and calm my nerves. I lost so much weight back then. I kept saying, well at least I still have a job...

Then I lost my job. Heh. Careful what you say! It's like the curse of the hat on the bed. I don't know why though. And I'm sure you don't know what I'm talking about unless you've seen Drugstore Cowboy.

It really is interesting to see the progression of things looking back over the past year and a half. Now I'm working a nice new office job back here in MI... Some things don't change, we're already plotting a course toward the South. Possibly Virginia. The fun never ends.

Before you left we went back to Tacoma Lake and swam under the night sky. I think that I want to do that every year to celebrate not only the joy, but also the pain.

where you left it

2006-07-12T21:26:00.000-04:00

God, I've so been in the mood to write! But how? I have such a pile of random things to say!

"But, the white paint and plastic saints say it all."

Earlier, I went for a long walk. I saw a blue van and for a minute I thought he was here.

Just to surprise me...And I could stand on my toes and kiss that little part of your face that rests in the valley between your cheek bone and your jaw line. I wouldn't pull away until I had enough time to smell your hair.

"Wake up, wake up, rains are falling, rains are falling."

A couple of weeks ago, I crashed my car in a rain storm. It wasn't fun. Yesterday it rained a lot on my way home from work and I had an anxious worried feeling when my new car got a little squirrely on the expressway.

My poor Tracker

I feel like summer and life is passing me by. I don't have much enthusiasm for anything. I like my time alone in some ways, but my body feels like it's missing something.

I guess I like hogging the bed and going for drives and listening to my head phones and watching a storm from our couch in the middle of the night. I like the power that lonliness sometimes gives me to be creative, to think clearer, to explore...to do things for myself like paint my toes and write letters.

But, nothing compares to sipping wine and playing scrabble with you...The tiniest thought of you - any glimpse of something pertaining to you...makes me miss you and it makes me love you.

So, that's whats on my mind right now. I been friggin thinking of things to write about all day, but the other things haven't resurfaced.

Your fishing pole is leaning where you left it and I hope you don't stay away too long.

The Zephyr

2006-07-10T22:42:00.000-04:00

A train ride home 3/06

born and raised

2006-07-09T00:17:00.000-04:00

"I think you're raised and THEN you're born." Brookie said.

How profound, I think.

CAMPTOWN AND THE COYOTE

2006-07-02T22:44:00.000-04:00

South Lake Tahoe...Memorial weekend

LA LA LA.

2006-06-24T09:47:00.000-04:00

Smashed my car in the rain
la la la
Don't want my phone ringing so much
la la la
Brake lights won't go out
la la la
Girlfriend moving in and bringing her shitzu
la la la
Thinking about moving out for the betterment of me
la la la
Pukity Pukity Puke
la la la
bought some new pants that fit like grandmas
la la la
Doesn't matter anyway because I couldn't get in the bedroom to find a shirt to match
la la la
Got upstairs and dad's in the bathroom
la la la
Do my hair in the hallway
la la la
Drive to work in a crap van
la la la
Get to work and try to put a smile on
la la la
Doesn't take long for everyone to realize
la la la
That I'm a disaster and always will be.

Wine Buzz

2006-06-23T12:35:00.000-04:00

Last night was crappy. How crappy was it? Pretty crappy.

But...we drank some Shiraz and walked down the road that was once dirt (they paved it behind my back...ruining my dirt road) and we layed down on the pavement underneath the stars and listened to the frogs and the crickets and watched the fireflies buzz around. The temperature was as close to perfect as it gets and with my little wine buzz, I began to relax.

2006-06-18T14:25:00.000-04:00

I've learned that life is shitty no matter where you are.

Buck up, that's all you can do.

The wind chill was about 20 degrees!

2006-05-28T00:06:00.000-04:00

Emerald Bay, Memorial Weekend

??@#$%^$$@*$????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-27T13:36:00.000-04:00

Shit! We woke up to 2" of snow this morning.

DAMN IT! I already put my warm stuff away. My feet are cold and I'm pissed off about it!

My mom told me that it's 80 degrees in Michigan...and they're drinking beers without me.

Screw this crap, man.

Shaken and Stirred

2006-05-26T18:02:00.000-04:00

Do you prefer it raining or pouring?
Shaken or stirred?
On the rocks? Yes Please...

UGH.

These past couple weeks (or 6 months?) have been exciting, nerve racking, stomach sickening, the most fun and best times wrapped with home sickness and wonder.

Life... Man, it isn't easy, is it? I wish that things would fall together just the way that I want them to, but it never works like that. Never...

We moved out here last December. Wile had a job lined up out here already and I had gotten laid off from my job with a transportation company. It was the perfect time to make a change because I was really depressed about losing my job (not to mention that Michigan seems to have a job shortage.) My dad said "Honey, do not worry, this is the best thing that could have happened to you. You hated that place anyway." With that, I found the strength that I needed to do something for myself that I had always wanted to do (yeah, I know, go to California...how original. I can tell you from experience, there is a REASON people come here!) So, we packed up the van and took off on I-80 West.

The initial excitement of being somewhere new after 30 years was really great...but...once my home sickness settled in, I didn't know what to do with myself. There are ups and downs every day. I miss my mom...my friends are forgetting about me...I can't go party with my brother and sister in law whenever I want. Then there's the money side to it. I make a lot more here than back home, but the cost of living is way higher. On top of that, I still own a home in Michigan that has been for sale since last August. The market is bad bad bad. So, we pay every month on that. When we came, I started working for the same contractor that Wy works for and things were very flexible (which one may not understand until you work for Tahoe people! They have powder days where everyone goes skiing instead of working! It's a whole other ball game than what I'm used to!)

As the project has started to wind down, I began to look for a different job. I sent out a million resumes because I'm used to looking for work in Michigan. You might send out 30 and maybe hear back from one! But...it's different here. I must have had 10+ phone calls for interviews. As of right now, I went to 3 and 2 offered me jobs and one wants me to come back for a 2nd interview next week. I have a job running a show room and when he found out I was looking, he didn't want me to quit and offered me a raise and more hours. So, I was thinking about how we should just stay until my house sells and try to save money. Then....I got a call from a furniture company in Grand Rapids today wanting to interview me. With the prospect of actual work at home (!), I'm all in a tizzy right now!

I did a dumb thing and accepted one of the job offers and I'm supposed to start on Tuesday. I thought I had made my decision...then the Grand Rapids job screwed me up big time. The thing is that I'm not really sure that I want to quit the job I have. If I interview with the job in GR, I will be spending all of my "trip home money" on one interview and a few days home and I may not even get the job. I haven't told my boss or the new place that I am planning or not planning to work for them and I may have to cancel on the "new" job so that I can go home to interview. Which will suck for them, because they will get one day notice. I feel bad. Either way, someone or some people are going to be disappointed. Plus, if I was offered the job for the one that wants the second interview, I would surely take that one over em all!

SO!

I feel like I'm playing about ten people right now and I can't shake this sick-to-my-stomach-shit my-pants kind of feeling that I have right now. I hate being me sometimes because I can't just say "fuck 'em."

Any suggestions as to how I might make a choice in this matter? Shhhiiiitttt, man.

These are a few new pieces I've been messing around with

2006-05-25T22:38:00.000-04:00

New Wares

So, I'm not the best photographer.

But who really cares?

NEED I SAY MORE?

2006-05-25T22:11:00.000-04:00

Blue like my heart

2006-05-23T16:14:00.000-04:00

Back home there aren't any jobs...so we migrated west and found plentiful work.

Back home we have a family and friends...out west we have none.

So I ask...is it better to be rich in family and friends and poor in the wallet?

My heart wants family...

GREEN!

2006-05-21T15:08:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I like green. I look in my closet and in my drawers and the majority of my clothes are green. I have a green bedspread...green towels...a green pen cup. Any time there is a choice in color, you may as well give me green and at work, I confidently show people samples that are green.

Yesterday I bought some new sheets.........they were BLUE! Wile said that I surely had caused a rift in the time/space continuum. See, this is what happens when I feel a little 'wild.'

I say "hell yeah" to fire!

2006-05-21T14:51:00.000-04:00

#7- Man O' War- Anthology

Finally, something I can work with. I don't care if these guys are all volunteer burn victims and have saved the world from nuclear holocaust. This is an assault on the senses. Anthology? Just for the pure joy of it (and because I am stupid), I looked that one up.

Anthology- n. pl- Anthologies

1. A collection of literary pieces, such as poems, short stories, or plays.

2. A miscellany, assortment, or catalog, as of complaints, comments, or ideas: "The Irish love their constitution for what it is: an anthology of the clerical-nationalist ideas of 1936" (Economist).

3. A ripping, burning compilation of metal Excellency created and compiled by several oily homosexual men wearing Speedos and leather devil boots.

Well, who knew? I guess it works. After further research, I found that Man O' War is composed of the surviving members of Orleans. After their upright organ player overdosed on Cadbury Eggs, they all decided to get back into shape and change their image. Viceroy suffered a transposed colon in a "weightlifting" accident, and Julian went on to become a garden gnome, so the remaining members came to the conclusion that they were destined to rock. And rock they did. I mean, look at that album cover. Do you think there should be fire on it? Yeah. Me too.

Want to see more of these awesomely bad album covers?
Check out: Pork Tornado
By the way...I didn't write this caption, I'm not that funny. hee hee

Zee Pacific Coast! ....ahhh....

2006-05-19T18:36:00.000-04:00

2/06

We Picked him up on Emmigrant Trail

2006-05-19T18:24:00.000-04:00

The Truckee Ninja

You've gotta love a hot pink ninja!

Penny Luck

2006-05-19T10:26:00.000-04:00

I went for a walk and I found a bunch of pennies scattered on the road.
I thought to myself..."Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck."

I only took one. There was enough luck there for the whole neighborhood and I think we all need it.

Retraction on Site construction thing....

2006-05-17T19:24:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I flirted with the new template thing and it gave me a headache, so I'm going to chill out until I'm much cooooooooool-errrrrr...then try again.

Peace

Site Construction

2006-05-17T14:05:00.000-04:00

Hey, I've been surfing and found that my old template was just plain tired...so please forgive me while I play and mold my new one. :) Cheers.

Maples in Nevada!

2006-05-15T22:46:00.000-04:00

A day off today!

We lazed around until noon, when we decided we should probably run (our already tardy) mother's day gifts to the post office. Hastily, we got ready, then jumped into the Stomper for a trip into town. My favorite post office lady was working today. You wouldn't believe that there are still real people out there like her. Her name is Ann and she smiles a gap toothed grin....She has puffy curly brown hair and she always wears pearls & make-up. She is so kind; she should be every one's grandma! I swear it.

Wile suggested that we cruise down around South Lake and check it out. We have lived here for 6 months and haven't been down around that end of Lake Tahoe yet. Man...you wouldn't believe how pretty it is around there. The road was winding and hilly and the green moss is growing on the sides of the mountains and rocks all over. We came to a bend in the road where Emerald Bay meets a beautiful mountain water fall. We parked along side the road and climbed up on some rocks to get a better view. Down by the waterfall was a wedding party getting their pictures taken. What a cool thing to have a water fall and the awesomely green waters of Emerald Bay as your back drop!

Our tummies were rumbling, so we hit the road around the rest of the lake. We ended up in South Lake Tahoe and after about one minute of looking, settled on Grand Central Pizza for lunch. The lunch special was good and cheap! $5.99 for the salad bar, a slice of pizza and a pop! I talked Wile into hitting the Pier 1 that I spied on the way into town and he patiently looked around with me. We settled on some new wine stoppers and then we were off. There was a little thrift store a block or two up, so my car veered to the right and we went in. This place was kind of funny. It was well stocked with antique pictures of naked women. In one of the glass cases I found a salt and pepper shaker set that were two individual boobs that sat on a spoon rest shaped like the rest of the body. It was kind of funny and it didn't have any arms or legs...just the "important" parts. lol. We walked out of there empty handed, but Wile found a skate board that is still beckoning to him, so I'm sure we'll be back.

After that, we continued our path around Lake Tahoe. We came to an area known as Cave Rock, where this gigantic rock formation spills into the lake. They have tunnels carved through for the road way and it truly is really cool. There was a small park on the lake side, so we parked there to get a better look. Wile pitched some rocks in the water and I made an alarm sound because people around there are so funny about "Keeping Tahoe Blue." I'm sure if someone had been around, they might have scolded us for simply being alive near the lake.

When we got near Incline Village, we decided to steer away from the lake altogether. We headed down the "hill" toward Carson City (Nevada's State Capital). The town is old and green and there are real trees there like Maples! There were lilacs and irises and old houses. It was a nice departure from Truckee's cedar sided mushroom communities and Reno's stucco neighborhoods. It actually seemed like a town that could be back home; only you can see mountains and it's much warmer! We were so happy to be there that we started driving up and down the streets and we even went and bought a paper to see what the job scene was like. Well...the job scene kind of looks like Michigan's job scene...blah.

We ended our evening with 2 pops and candy bars (a Fast Break and an Almond Joy) and we headed back toward Reno to make our ascent back up the hill to Truckee. After seeing the green of Carson Valley, it was hard to get back to the mountains with it's 3 varieties of plant life and it's cold mountain nights. We can't complain, though, we have a nice place to live and the adventure of coming to California will always be ours.

and there were corpses everywhere!

2006-05-14T18:48:00.000-04:00

Ahhhh, I love a good sense of humor. Garage sales are lethal in the greater Truckee area.

2006-05-12T12:37:00.000-04:00

I think my blog is STAGNANT!

AAARRRRRGGGHHH!

To Be Honest

2006-05-11T18:27:00.000-04:00

So she said that she'd tell me what she told everyone else...

She's packing her bags and heading for who knows where.
She'd call her boys now and then and that's it.

She didn't want to hear from anyone...
and to be honest, she said,
she didn't even want to talk to me
ever again.

"What the hell happened in counseling yesterday?" I asked
"It isn't what happened yesterday, it's what happened today when I went by myself..." She said

She told me that she didn't need anyone and didn't want me to call her again. I told her that it was bull shit... And then she hung up on me.

So she was packing all of her stuff to head out into the world...ALONE.

Can't say I blame her. Lord knows I've been there. But it pains me to see what I'd rather not see.

I put my phone down and let out a sigh...little tears welled up in my eyes. I told her that I was here for her and if she ever needed me that I'd always be here. I guess that's all I can offer.

Friendless once again.

Next time, stay longer!!

2006-05-08T12:57:00.000-04:00

World Traveller, Dee C., A.K.A. Sprocketts - lookin' sly, lookin' real sly!

Sometimes best friends find their way to your house.
Thanks for coming 2500 miles to see me!
You're special (special Ed!)

Love yas!

2006-04-28T15:45:00.000-04:00

Woodpecker,

Why are you pecking? You make me think I need to answer the door!

She's a Jar

2006-04-27T18:31:00.000-04:00

She's a jar
With a heavy lid
My pop quiz kid
A sleepy kisser
A pretty war
With feelings hid
She begs me not to miss her

~Wilco

Yellow Painted Train Station

2006-04-27T18:06:00.000-04:00

yellow painted train station,
green tin roof,
baby pink mercantile...

distorted through plate glass,
it seems as though it could
easily be 1930.

smudged eye glasses
perch on the bridge
looking, looking
taking it in

rattle rattle
Union Pacific moving wind,
bringing graffiti
messages from who
knows where

footfalls above
an open drawer
my fingers are
tinkling the keys
of the key board

Wow! It's been awhile...

2006-04-26T16:01:00.000-04:00

I guess I've been on blogger hiatus! Time passed so fast and before I knew it, it was almost a month ago that I last posted! Not that anyone is really reading this anyway, but it gives me an outlet, so I guess that is what counts.

I'm now living in the hills of Truckee, California. I'm sitting at the desk of my new job; the back door is wide open and the gentle breeze of our first (near) 70 degree day is tickling my sandaled feet. My back is to the Truckee River. It's pure green water is rushing by quickly from the fresh snow melt. I feel a slight contentment as I watch the people come and go across the street at the train station.

In the beginning of March, we took the train from Reno, NV to Grand Rapids, MI. The forces that be twisted our plans and intersected our course with some really great people. I don't know if I've ever had a better time travelling any where. While some may say what transpired during the trip was an inconvenience, we embraced our fate and turned it into something positive.

We were about 18 hours into the trip when we made a stop in Grand Junction, Colorado. The sun was shining and it was unseasonably warm - lucky for us! Everyone hustled out of the train for smoking breaks and to the station store and fruit stand for pop and snacks. As everyone began to assemble back at their appropriate cars, we were notified that there was a rock slide on the tracks and that we were stuck there for at least 6 hours. We had met a girl from the bay area named Lisa who was making her way back to Terre Haute, Indiana. We rounded her up and went off to find a grocery store and some lunch.

It didn't take us long heading down main street Grand Junction to find a nice brew pub. We went in, sat down and commenced to drink 2 pitchers of beer. After our mass consumption, we walked around town. We stopped at a book store, then we ended up at a very cool record store. We marvelled at their selection of LP's - we even found an old John Hartford record.

We started walking back toward the train when the sun had begun to drop in the sky. Upon arrival at the train station, we found that it was still not time to go. The three of us sat down at some picnic tables across from the train and a group of people began to accumulate around us. Everyone was asking eachother where they were from and where they were heading. We met people coming and going from here to there. There was Tony from Mississippi, Mike from Iowa, a girl moving from California to Georgia to be with her mom...and a host of others. The conversation was fun and before long, bud was being passed around, people were skateboarding and a good time was had by all.

At about 8 o'clock at night, we were summoned to board the train. Free dinner was offered to the passengers and before long we were listening to our head phones and dozing in our uncomfortable coach seating. I'm not really sure that I slept a wink that whole night, but it was fun anyway. We were able to sneak a 5th of Blackberry brandy on board and Lisa found some paper cups in the observation car, so we did shots of brandy and chit chatted with our car members. There was Elvira, an older Christian Philopino woman that befriended us and even tried to do a shot of brandy with us in the spirit of lateness. We also met a young girl who was a singer and she had us listen to her CD that she made at her college. Mississppi Tony was on our car with his new friend Lisa, who had her two daughters with her. We found out that she had left and taken her two daughters after a terrible fight with her husband. He didn' t even know where she went. Everyone had a different story to tell and it was very interesting to hear them. It really helped the time pass.

Before I knew it, it was morning (early) and I couldn't stand to be in that seat any longer, so I gathered up my toiletries and went to ladies room to freshen up and get dressed. Before we left Reno, we had bought a travel Scrabble board game, so when I was done, I grabbed Wile and Lisa and we headed off to the observation car to get some food and play some Scrabble. It didn't take long before our game started attracting other bored train passengers. First we met Ian, a 22 year old Scottish guy that was touring the United States and was on his way to Nebraska to see his uncle and eventually on to Graceland, the ubiquitous home of Elvis Presley. We found out quickly that he was a Scrabble shark, scoring 82 points with his very first word! We had a very drunk guy breathing over our shoulders giving us pointers on words to use, but he couldn't spell, so he eventually staggered away. There was a girl that told us all about how she lived in a big house on the coast but had to move because her dad got busted for attempted murder and growing marijuana and they lost their house because of it and then she went back for some of her stuff and she got arrested for breaking and entering. Then her dad found out in jail that he had a brain tumor and they had to do brain surgery on him to try to remove it. The fun doesn't stop there!!! We knew for a fact who it was, when we smelled the unmistakable aroma of Mary Jane eminating from the ladies room down stairs!!!

The day passed slowly as we said goodbye one by one to our new friends. Ian in Nebraska, Mike in Iowa and a host of others. The sun set and most of us settled in to watch the new Johnny Cash movie. The night was long and we didn't sleep well, but when it was time to get off in Chicago, we still had Elvira, Mississippi Tony, Lisa and the other Lisa and her girls and the crazy pot girl. When we arrived at Union Station, Amtrak put us on a bus to the Best Western as we all had missed our respective connector trains, gave us each $30 for food and told us to assemble back at the buses at 2:00pm. Instead of going to bed, Wile, Lisa and I set out on the early morning streets of Chicago in pursuit of breakfast.

We boarded the buses heading back to Union Station at 2:00pm and found our other familiar travellers and had lunch together before boarding our train at 5:00pm. We arrived in Grand Rapids a whole day late, gathered our packs and said hello to the snowy Michigan night sky. Ahhhh...Home. My dad and brother rushed to pick us up and many hugs abounded.

The Michigan leg of the trip is a wholllllle other story. That will have to be part 2. But, we have since kept in touch with Lisa and gone to visit our Scot friend Ian in Sacramento. We won't ever forget the fun time we had in transit to Michigan...even though we did miss seeing the Rockies as we were so late that we went through at 4 in the morning!! I hope the other great people that we met know that they are thought of fondly. Ahhhhh....Good Times.

Peace.

WOO-HOO!

2006-03-01T12:41:00.000-05:00

Woo-hoo, we're taking the train home!
We leave tomorrow from Reno to Grand Rapids, MI.
Can't wait to see my family and friends
and celebrate my 30th in style
at Billy's Lounge in Grand Rapids!

www.billyslounge.com

The good old Blues Brother's Getaway car

2006-02-24T17:59:00.000-05:00

The Blues-Mobile

Continuously, thoughts roll around in my head.
I guess most people think and think and think...but I wonder -
Do they really?

Do most people have any kind of grasp of what is really happening around them? I'd like to assume that they do. But, do they? Do I?

I don't know. But, anyway, the thoughts invade my dreams and they are in every conversation and I'm so tired of wondering what to do next.

Forthcoming decision is evident in every aspect of my being. It rears it's head in my subconsious, in my moodiness, in my will to get out of bed.

I just want to say one way or another "Yes we live out west" or "No we're going home." I want to say "We've made a commitment to stay, now pass the potatoes." I want to buy dish towels and get settled somewhere. I want to take my summer clothes out of storage and put them on a shelf and get my lost cd's in unit 69 somewhere in Michigan. I want to feel like I actually have a home and not just a bedroom in Reno. I want to come home and drink a six pack in my underwear if I want to. I want to not feel bad about leaving a dirty dish in the sink or crumbs on the counter from my morning toast.

Last night I had too many dreams to count. One was about a house that I was talking about earlier in the day that I have had many dreams about. The house has an upstairs and I had slept in one of the bedrooms and was pulled from my bed by a cold dead hand and forcibly shoved out of the room. In the dream last night, I was in the cob webbed basement of the house with a guy, who I presume was a friend, who was very fat and was dressed like a punk rocker. I was telling him about how the upstairs of the house was very unsafe and basically haunted and he wouldn't believe me. Then strange things started happening and we escaped in his old "Blues Brothers" style car (black of course).

I don't know why that same old dream (one of my few reoccurring dreams) cropped up last night with a new twist, but it did. I'm sure it probably doesn't have anything to do with the fact that we can't decide between East and West...but does it? I don't know either. I'm no mystic...after all, I was just talking about that dream.

I think that it's just the way my body processes stress...it puts myself in intense situations and in this case adds a fat guy and a "Blues Brothers" getaway car.

Not that my present conundrum has any of that intensity, but it's hard not to know what to plan on. I don't really have the answers either. My current resolve is to stay here and have more adventures and try to work on making a home, saving some money and doing as much living as we possibly can...

The reason for the stress about staying is that we don't feel that secure in our jobs and of course, we miss our families. There is plenty of work here to be had, but I guess in the back of my mind, I feel like if we get to comfortable, it will be very hard to up and move back east. I think that is the ulimate hinderance. I just figured it out now as I type on good old blogger.

I don't know what else to say other than I called on a couple of houses for rent today. And it's warm and the sun is shining. Yee-haw!

Never too Late

2006-02-24T13:48:00.000-05:00

It's never too late
to have a
happy childhood.

~Tom Robbins

Those who love

2006-02-14T17:43:00.001-05:00

YOU

& ME

Thanks for showing me the coast,
and for coasting the road,
and the endless well
of love between us

in here,
out there,
in me,
in you...

Thanks for being you,
and for your interesting ways,
and your loving heart,
and the thoughts you carry.

in there,
out here,
between me,
between you...

I love you.
Happy Valentine's Day.

Sunny San Fran

2006-02-10T22:01:00.001-05:00

Blue Skies

Walk Thru Redwood

2006-02-10T22:01:00.000-05:00

Dirt Road Journey's

300

Is there anyone out there?

Okay...I'm on a soap box, but screw it. I don't care.

So I did.

Burn Holes

Carter's Famous Chicken Burritoes!

I WAIT

RAMBLIN' WAYS: NOTES FROM A RAMBLER

Hoxeyville Music Festival

The cat copes

Cut down on Junk Mail & save Trees!

We live in the Universe

Mark Olson

Things to know

Wilco

Relaxing at Waterfest

Ian & me

Notes from a Holiday

To Revel in Peace; A Great Privilege

I let myself down

A Warm Shower

A Good Sense of Humor Will Get You Through

Colored Eggs

Fred Meijer Gardens

To Blog or not to Blog

Living Organisms

On the Wall at Jimmy John's

Happy Happy Joy Joy

...SO MANY SONGS ABOUT CALIFORNIA

Sleeping in is my favorite perk

No Hubcaps, No Conclusion, No Problem

Pearl

CLIFF NOTES

The Value of a Drink

water...so much water...under the bridge

MERRY CHRISTMAS

~~~~~~~~~~DOGS PLAYIN' CARDS~~~~~~~~~~

ORIGINS

Put a Smile on Your Face

Huckleberry's

Make Believe Hurdles

EMBROIDERED SHIRTS

SILLY

View thy Mitten

Autumnal Cycles

LINKS OF INTEREST

SIDE NOTE

The Be Good Tanyas

environmentally irritated

So I'm a big fricken child....hahaha

PERSPECTIVE

TOMATO IN THE FACE

Puss & Bites

Smith Mountain Lake

Chip Eater

On the Road Again

No Climax in Sight

No Locusts Detected

ONE COOL MONKEY CHILD

As I Rise

The joy of pain

where you left it

The Zephyr

born and raised

CAMPTOWN AND THE COYOTE

LA LA LA.

Wine Buzz

The wind chill was about 20 degrees!

??@#$%^$$@*$????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shaken and Stirred

These are a few new pieces I've been messing around with

NEED I SAY MORE?

Blue like my heart

GREEN!

I say "hell yeah" to fire!

Zee Pacific Coast! ....ahhh....

We Picked him up on Emmigrant Trail

Penny Luck

Retraction on Site construction thing....

DOGS PLAYIN' CARDS