Shaken and Stirred

Do you prefer it raining or pouring?
Shaken or stirred?
On the rocks? Yes Please...

UGH.

These past couple weeks (or 6 months?) have been exciting, nerve racking, stomach sickening, the most fun and best times wrapped with home sickness and wonder.

Life... Man, it isn't easy, is it? I wish that things would fall together just the way that I want them to, but it never works like that. Never...

We moved out here last December. Wile had a job lined up out here already and I had gotten laid off from my job with a transportation company. It was the perfect time to make a change because I was really depressed about losing my job (not to mention that Michigan seems to have a job shortage.) My dad said "Honey, do not worry, this is the best thing that could have happened to you. You hated that place anyway." With that, I found the strength that I needed to do something for myself that I had always wanted to do (yeah, I know, go to California...how original. I can tell you from experience, there is a REASON people come here!) So, we packed up the van and took off on I-80 West.

The initial excitement of being somewhere new after 30 years was really great...but...once my home sickness settled in, I didn't know what to do with myself. There are ups and downs every day. I miss my mom...my friends are forgetting about me...I can't go party with my brother and sister in law whenever I want. Then there's the money side to it. I make a lot more here than back home, but the cost of living is way higher. On top of that, I still own a home in Michigan that has been for sale since last August. The market is bad bad bad. So, we pay every month on that. When we came, I started working for the same contractor that Wy works for and things were very flexible (which one may not understand until you work for Tahoe people! They have powder days where everyone goes skiing instead of working! It's a whole other ball game than what I'm used to!)

As the project has started to wind down, I began to look for a different job. I sent out a million resumes because I'm used to looking for work in Michigan. You might send out 30 and maybe hear back from one! But...it's different here. I must have had 10+ phone calls for interviews. As of right now, I went to 3 and 2 offered me jobs and one wants me to come back for a 2nd interview next week. I have a job running a show room and when he found out I was looking, he didn't want me to quit and offered me a raise and more hours. So, I was thinking about how we should just stay until my house sells and try to save money. Then....I got a call from a furniture company in Grand Rapids today wanting to interview me. With the prospect of actual work at home (!), I'm all in a tizzy right now!

I did a dumb thing and accepted one of the job offers and I'm supposed to start on Tuesday. I thought I had made my decision...then the Grand Rapids job screwed me up big time. The thing is that I'm not really sure that I want to quit the job I have. If I interview with the job in GR, I will be spending all of my "trip home money" on one interview and a few days home and I may not even get the job. I haven't told my boss or the new place that I am planning or not planning to work for them and I may have to cancel on the "new" job so that I can go home to interview. Which will suck for them, because they will get one day notice. I feel bad. Either way, someone or some people are going to be disappointed. Plus, if I was offered the job for the one that wants the second interview, I would surely take that one over em all!

SO!

I feel like I'm playing about ten people right now and I can't shake this sick-to-my-stomach-shit my-pants kind of feeling that I have right now. I hate being me sometimes because I can't just say "fuck 'em."

Any suggestions as to how I might make a choice in this matter? Shhhiiiitttt, man.