Dirt Road Journey's: February 2006

The good old Blues Brother's Getaway car

The Blues-Mobile

Continuously, thoughts roll around in my head.
I guess most people think and think and think...but I wonder -
Do they really?

Do most people have any kind of grasp of what is really happening around them? I'd like to assume that they do. But, do they? Do I?

I don't know. But, anyway, the thoughts invade my dreams and they are in every conversation and I'm so tired of wondering what to do next.

Forthcoming decision is evident in every aspect of my being. It rears it's head in my subconsious, in my moodiness, in my will to get out of bed.

I just want to say one way or another "Yes we live out west" or "No we're going home." I want to say "We've made a commitment to stay, now pass the potatoes." I want to buy dish towels and get settled somewhere. I want to take my summer clothes out of storage and put them on a shelf and get my lost cd's in unit 69 somewhere in Michigan. I want to feel like I actually have a home and not just a bedroom in Reno. I want to come home and drink a six pack in my underwear if I want to. I want to not feel bad about leaving a dirty dish in the sink or crumbs on the counter from my morning toast.

Last night I had too many dreams to count. One was about a house that I was talking about earlier in the day that I have had many dreams about. The house has an upstairs and I had slept in one of the bedrooms and was pulled from my bed by a cold dead hand and forcibly shoved out of the room. In the dream last night, I was in the cob webbed basement of the house with a guy, who I presume was a friend, who was very fat and was dressed like a punk rocker. I was telling him about how the upstairs of the house was very unsafe and basically haunted and he wouldn't believe me. Then strange things started happening and we escaped in his old "Blues Brothers" style car (black of course).

I don't know why that same old dream (one of my few reoccurring dreams) cropped up last night with a new twist, but it did. I'm sure it probably doesn't have anything to do with the fact that we can't decide between East and West...but does it? I don't know either. I'm no mystic...after all, I was just talking about that dream.

I think that it's just the way my body processes stress...it puts myself in intense situations and in this case adds a fat guy and a "Blues Brothers" getaway car.

Not that my present conundrum has any of that intensity, but it's hard not to know what to plan on. I don't really have the answers either. My current resolve is to stay here and have more adventures and try to work on making a home, saving some money and doing as much living as we possibly can...

The reason for the stress about staying is that we don't feel that secure in our jobs and of course, we miss our families. There is plenty of work here to be had, but I guess in the back of my mind, I feel like if we get to comfortable, it will be very hard to up and move back east. I think that is the ulimate hinderance. I just figured it out now as I type on good old blogger.

I don't know what else to say other than I called on a couple of houses for rent today. And it's warm and the sun is shining. Yee-haw!

Never too Late

It's never too late
to have a
happy childhood.

~Tom Robbins

Those who love

YOU

& ME

Thanks for showing me the coast,
and for coasting the road,
and the endless well
of love between us

in here,
out there,
in me,
in you...

Thanks for being you,
and for your interesting ways,
and your loving heart,
and the thoughts you carry.

in there,
out here,
between me,
between you...

I love you.
Happy Valentine's Day.