Ellipsis  

Her Nature Unknown

Strands of light
Dance through the branches
of the trees in the woods
Where she has been
Called to consciousness.

Naked and dirty,
confused and disoriented.
Flat on her back,
Cold and hardened.

The wind swirls
through the leaves
Whoooooshhhhhh...
Cold sprinkles drop and
pelt her face and body.

The fog wavering in her mind,
she struggles to clear.
Awareness creeps in...
her mind and her eyes
move into focus.

She blinks at the clearing sky
through the canopy of green.
Her nature unknown;
It seems her petals have fallen.

Get your own Dam Beer!

Some time during the night, unbeknownst to me, my brain went ahead and got a grip. When I woke up, I felt much better.

My garage sale was what I would consider a success. A success as far as garage sales go, that is. I got rid of a lot of junk and made $150! That's better than a sharp stick in the eye, I always say! My brother Jesse came over and kept me company and my dad brought a cooler of beer!

When it was time to close, we decided that we should grab the spouses and go get something to eat. We headed out to a place called the "Red Anchor Inn" near the Croton Dam. They brew their own beer there and the entire staff was wearing t-shirts that said "Get your own dam beer."

My dad ordered a steak dinner and as soon as he started to cut the meat, he dumped his entire plate in his lap! I tried not to laugh, but it really was kind of funny. After dinner, we all drove to the dam for a pretty sunset view, then out for ice cream cones!

It was a good day and a good mood lifter!! Cheers!

The Man on the Moon is a Musician

The Morning Moon

The Trunk Slammers and Billie Holiday

I just don't feel right. I sat down to try write something profound, but all that comes to mind is a blank page and an annoying inability to not let the music distract me. Maybe I should just turn it off. I think I'm tired... I haven't slept well lately. I keep waking up knowing that I've been grinding my teeth. I guess it's time to brain storm!

It's Memorial Weekend for God sakes! I should be excited that I don't have to work on Monday. But, in traditional Memorial Weekend style, it will rain and be cold the whole time, for sure. It never fails. I made the mistake of planning a garage sale for this weekend. I have worked all week on it, but that's not why I'm tired. You see, I feel that I am lessening the load by getting rid off the excess. I am mutch too heavy these days! I need to drop some of the weight!

I left work today and sped home on the freeway with hundreds of other people heading north trying to get a jump on the weekend fun. Countless campers and packed vans with canoes and bicycles attached weaved through the traffic. The ride north always seems longer when you’re stuck in the middle of the migratory! Look at all of these trunk slammers!

I no sooner pulled up to my mail box and was commandeered by the neighbor wanting to know my plans for the weekend and if we wanted to go to dinner with all of the other neighbors - trunk slammers, cottage people, whatever. God, can't I get out of the fucking car first? Can I get my mail and decide what I want to do? Does everyone have to be in my face as soon as I get here? Does my phone have to ring incessantly at 4:01pm? Give me a break!

I bowed out graciously and went out to the garage to get to work. I put on Billie Holiday and started to try to get organized. Whew, relax! Melodic, unobtrusive Billie... Blue Billie.

"I'm so wearied and all alone,
Seems I'm tired like heavy stone,
Travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin'
All alone.

Who will see and who will care
'Bout the load that I must bear,
Travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin'
All alone."


The trunk slammers come to party at the lake. I live here all of the time, I have things that I need to do. I came home from taking a mass lot of bottles back to the store and was heading in to make myself something to eat at 9 o'clock at night after I hadn't eaten since lunch and they all started harrassing me to come down to their bon-fire. Then they seemed ruffled that I didn't want to attend because I was hungry! Kiss my ass!

You see, Ordinarily I would be the first one out ready to celebrate the holiday. But I am in the middle of an ocean without a paddle or sense of direction. I have so many thoughts taking up my space that there isn't room for much more dialog. I can't concentrate. I can't stand it. I made the mistake of falling in love. And now I ache from it. I want peace and quit so that I can think. But, I don't know where all of this thinking has taken me. Then again, I have so many interuptions and distractions that I routinely forget where I was in the first place.

I wish that there was some supreme resolution! I wish that I could just ask the Magic 8 Ball. (What's so magic about it anyway?? "Cannot tell you now" is not a magical answer!) I think my heart knows what to do, but where does the courage come from?

Yesterday, I let someone talk and talk and I realized that I hadn't listened to anything that they had said. My mind so cluttered...thinking on another. Can't get you out of my head. I am so pissed at myself for not being a better femenist. I can't believe the things that I have been thinking. It must be love that's all I can figure. What the fuck, man? How did this happen to me?

Anyway, I'm sorry trunk slammers; I'm sorry Billie. It isn't your fault! I'm just blue. When something is bothering me, I withdraw! But, you'll never know, you will just think that I'm a bitch. Maybe it's better anyway.

For now, I will concentrate on me! Uncertainty abounds and I will settle this once and for all. But how?

"Sadness creeps in like a cat on railroad tracks."

Egon Schiele

Nu assis ~ Egon Schiele

If I had children...

Words of Life

You can speak to your children of life,
but your words are not life itself.
You can show them what you see,
but your showing and their seeing
are forever different things.

You cannot speak to them of Divinity Itself
But you can share with them
the millions of manifestations of this reality
arrayed before them every moment.
Since these manifestations have their origin in the Tao,
the visible will reveal the invisible to them.

Don't mistake your desire to talk for their
readiness to listen.
Far more important are the wordless truths they
learn from you.

If you take delight in the ordinary wonders of life,
they will feel the depth of your pleasure
and learn to experience joy.
If you walk with them in the darkness
of life's mysteries
You will open the gate to understanding.

~The Parent's Tao Te Ching

If anyone is out there!

Check out my new links to Chasing Moon Shadows & Promenades Immobiles!! :)

My wares 

My wares 

My wares 

Scavenger Mama's Hippie Shoppe 

Sexy Plexi

Sexy sexy made up of plexi disasters
Pushing and pulling conservative rolling
Unlike plastic, easier to see through
Just like glass with no ring
Softer and sadder you sing
Sexy sexy do your thing
Learn to be shy and then you can sting

Plexi, plexi bend don't shatter
Once you're broken, shape won't matter
You're breaking your mind
By killing the time that kills you
But you can't blame the time
When its only in your mind

Quickly quickly grow and then you'll know
It is such and awkward show to see
And everyone you wanted to know
And everyone you wanted to meet
Have all gone away
Well they've all gone away

And now you're Breaking your mind
By killing the time that kills you
But you cant blame the time
When its only in your mind
You're breaking your mind

~Jack Johnson

The Girls

My cousin Katie and I

It's later than you think!

Enjoy yourself -
It's later than you think.
Enjoy yourself -
While you're still in the pink.

The years go by as quickly as a wink!

Enjoy Yourself,
Enjoy Yourself
It's later than you think.

Masahide

Barn's burnt down - now I can see the moon!

Cayden's Band

My dad and my brother started a new band - It's called

"The Darth Brooks Intergallactic Darkside Cowboy Band!"

They're still working on learning some instruments, though!

Monday or Tuesday ~ Virginia Woolf

LAZY AND INDIFFERENT, shaking space easily from his wings, knowing his way, the heron passes over the church beneath the sky. White and distant, absorbed in itself, endlessly the sky covers and uncovers, moves and remains. A lake? Blot the shores of it out! A mountain? Oh, perfect­, the sun gold on its slopes. Down that falls. Ferns then, or white feathers, for ever and ever­.

Desiring truth, awaiting it, laboriously distilling a few words, for ever desiring­ (a cry starts to the left, another to the right. Wheels strike divergently. Omnibuses conglomerate in conflict) ­for ever desiring­ (the clock asseverates with twelve distinct strokes that it is mid-day; light sheds gold scales; children swarm)­ for ever desiring truth. Red is the dome; coins hang on the trees; smoke trails from the chimneys; bark, shout, cry "Iron for sale" ­and truth?

...Lazy and indifferent the heron returns; the sky veils her stars; then bares them.

Dignity in the Dirt

Thursday nights...
My typical night out.
Last night, which conveniently was Thursday,
the Decemberists were playing at The Intersection
in downtown Grand Rapids.


I got out of work and headed over to Kit's house
to meet up with everyone for the show.
The whole day had poured rain and was
basically kind of depressing.
I came from an unusual direction and ended up lost.
I drove and drove and my windows fogged up
and my temper started to peak out.
How could I be lost here?
Why can't I find my way?
See you later brain, come again some other day.

Finally at her house...

Took a deep breath, got a grip.
I was still the first one there.
Nothing to worry about.
Sat down at the table and smoked a little.
Ahhhh. Much better, friend.
Hello to Jen.
Helped (or hindered) Kit pick out some clothes.
Hello to Steven.
Time to go.

Feeling a little blue, not really into going.
Go anyway, whiny baby!
We walked in, so many seemingly like-minded people!
Intimate view, wonderful sound.

Stood there with my beer and my thoughts.
The band was so good.
They sounded so together.
I realized that I had been bobbing to the music.
God, don't be that girl!

I walked through the people toward the front.
Found a good spot to stand and listen up.
This band came highly recommended.
No disappointment came from me,
none that I detected.
Such great energy,
Such great musicians!

The time went by so fast, I didn't want it to end.
We begged for an encore!
Out they came to finish up with
"The Mariner's Revenge Song!"

Hey man, it's only 9 o'clock!
Ended up at The Black Rose Irish Pub.
Fun evening, good conversation.
Gotta head out, have to work in the morning.

Drove home in a funk.
Don't think I had one real thought the whole way.
Got home at 11:00 and was too
wound up to sleep.

I checked my mail
and low and behold,
3 new messages from
the one who had told
me about this band and about this show.

Oh how I wanted to tell you
that I wished you had gone.
What fun you would have had!
But we stopped talking a few days ago...
I opened the messages with massive anxiety.
What's this? I'm so confused.

These messages were written and sent 10 days ago!
I had never seen them and didn't know why
the universe would be so sick to drop them by
on the day that I had gone to the show that was yours.
And put the thoughts of you right back in my head.

I was trying hard to not feel sad.
In the back of my mind,
I thought that I could be okay with the unknown.
But when I saw the lovely lines
that you had written,
I quickly remembered why I keep longing.

What a fucking loser!
I'm trying to rhyme!
I'm so much cooler
When I'm just a friend.


My friend, my dignity is in the dirt.
if you're out there some where...
oh me, oh my, oh.....
You will never be forgotten.

Hmmmm.......

Why must an independent person, such as myself, be completely obsessed with the "Officer and a Gentleman" big finish?

It's Sick!

Buffalo River Home ~ John Hiatt

I’ve been taking off and landing but this airport’s closed
And how much thicker this fog is gonna get
God only knows
Just when you think that you’ve got a grip
Reality sneaks off it gives you the slip
As if you ever knew what it was taking you down the line

Tearing through the cottonfields and bus shelters
Of the south running helter skelter
Down through the mississippi delta
With no place to call your own

Mixing up drinks with mixed feelings
All along the paint was peeling
Down to an Indian blanket on a pony
With no rider in the flesh and bone
Looking for his buffalo river home

I’ve been circling the wagons down at times square
Trying to fill up this hole in my soul but nothing fits there
Hush when you think you can let it rip
You’re pounding the pavement in your daddy’s wingtips
As if you had some place better to go
Or a better way to get there

Now there’s only two things in life but I forget what they are
It seems we’re either hanging on a moonbeam's coat tails
Or wishing on stars
Just when you think that you’ve been gyped
The bearded lady comes and does a double back flip
And you run off and join the circus
Yeah, you just let that pony ride

Eve ~ Jos Sances 

The Body

The most important things are the hardest things to say - they are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish them. Words shrink things that seem limitless in you head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things are too close to wherever you secret heart is - buried - like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly, only to have people look at you in a funny way - not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it - that's the worst, I think - when the secret stays locked within - not for want of a teller, but want of an understanding ear.

~Stephen King

Fishy Friends Lost at Sea

One cool boat ride

I've Noticed lately

I've noticed lately
that I musta made up my mind.
It's in the way that
I feel the need to purge.

I brought down boxes with
almost no thought.
And stacked them neatly
in the garage.

I found an old Rolling Stone
with Eddie Vedder on the cover.
I took it inside
and sat down with a beer.

Got a little buzz,
maybe a little fuzzy
But now it all seems so clear.

The Great City

Bury my head in the sand
Stuff cotton in my ears
Please stop circling,
It's getting hot in here.

All I asked was a day alone
so that I could forget
about building Rome

In you swept to steal your place
I can't even look you straight in the face.
If I was naive maybe I could say
that I could be happy living this way.

But you won't step back
and you're forcing your way
and you've taken the thought out of my day

Crowding yourself into my brain
making me feel full of shame
The truth is hard to tell,
but lately I've been just a shell

My gut so sick with anxiety of the truth
Looking back, I have spent all of my youth
on a plan that was forged
when I was not in my head

When I woke up,
I was already dead
over and over I tried to tell you
that things weren't right
but you didn't listen

Now that I'm at my wits end,
you decide that maybe you could be a friend
It won't stick and I don't think that I want it to

The times when I've felt happy
have been few and far
My ship drifted out before you were born
If I could, then I would
But it's been a long time comin'

Rome wasn't built in just one day.

Hello

So Ken reads my blog.
Hello Ken.
Glad to know that you've
finally decided to pay attention.

Float On~Modest Mouse

I backed my car into a cop car the other day
Well he just drove off sometimes life's ok
I ran my mouth off a bit too much
oh what did I say
Well you just laughed it off
it was all ok

And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on any way well

Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with that scam
It was worth it just to learn some sleight-of-hand
Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands
Good news will work its way to all them plans

We both got fired on exactly the same day
Well we'll float on
good news is on the way

As Lucinda tells it

Decide I'm gonna make myself
A little something to eat,
Get a can down off the shelf,
Maybe a little something sweet.

Haven't spoke to no one,
Haven't been in the mood,
Pour some soup, get a spoon,
Stir it up real good.

I go out with a friend,
maybe a little music might help,
But I can't pretend -
I wish I was somewhere else.

I wanna watch the ocean bend,
The edges of the sun,
thenI wanna get swallowed up
In an ocean of love.

Put on my coat,
go out into the street,
Get a lump in my throat,
and look down at my feet.

Take the long way home,
So I can ride around,
Put Neil Young on
And turn up the sound.

Drive up the coastline,
Maybe Ventura,
Watch the waves make signs
Out on the water.

I wanna watch the ocean bend,
The edges of the sun, then
I wanna get swallowed up
In an ocean of love.

Stand in the shower,
Clean this dirty mess,
Give me back my power,
and drown this unholiness.

Lean over the toilet bowl,
and throw up my confession,
Cleanse my soul,
of this hidden obsession.

I wanna watch the ocean bend,
The edges of the sun,
then I wanna get swallowed up
In an ocean of love.

Passageways

The passage, or path, is the archetypal symbol of spiritual awakening. It embodies the transition from one condition of consciousness to another. The spirtual path is traversed through the rhythmic pulsations of time and is accompanied by the beat of the heart, the cadence of breathing, the meter of surise and sunset.

The Mystery of the Five Panel Door

I haven't quite figured it out, but I have this recurring dream that cropped up last night.

I'm always in a very large, dark house that is full of many rooms and corridors that are all interconnected. The house is decorated very richly as if it were built at the turn of the century with lots of dark wood work, gold fixtures and royal blue and white wall paper. It has fallen into disrepair and things are tattered and dusty. Difused light peeks through rips in the curtains, but other than that, it is dark. There are many pieces of dark red velvet furniture everywhere.

For some reason, I live there alone and I am in the process of exploring the dozens of rooms. I am very scared to go into the lower level of the massive house. Once when I went there, I found that there were many bedrooms and bathrooms that lined this dark hallway. Every light in every bathroom was on. The bathrooms were tiled pink and were all wet on the inside. Everything was wet, the mirrors and walls and fixtures and the floor. On the other side of the hallway, there are many bedrooms. In each of the rooms, a corpse lies in the bed. But I'm never sure if they are really there or not. It's just like the remnant of a person there.

All the way at the end of this long hall on the right hand side, there is a door that stands a couple of inches open. A low light shines from within it. The whole room is light blue, the heavy drapes are parted just enough to see in the room through the crack in the door. The door is different from all of the others in that it is a white, five panel door with a brown glass knob. Although I am terrified, I want to look in the room, as I push the door open, my grandma appears in front of me and directs me to this curved stairway across the hall.

The stairway goes up, but you never make it upstairs. The passage gets smaller and smaller until it is unpassable and stuffy. There is an oddly shaped window there that you have to try to get through in order to get out. I always end up trying to go back down, even though I am terrified of that hallway.

When I make it back down stairs, it isn't downstairs anymore, but a large warehouse where there are millions of pounds of clothes stacked up on folding cafeteria tables. I dig through looking for my clothes to pack and leave, but can't find them.


I have had this dream dozens of times in the past few years. Figure that one out.

Che

And now, I feel my great roots unearth, free and...

Midway fun!

The Brownies at a random Saturday night carnival

I got my feet wet today!!

Indian Lake

My Dad...Is Presently Unattached

Me and Pop (and Lola the destroyer)

The Homer Laughlin China Company

Established in 1871, The Homer Laughlin China Company employs 1,100 skilled workers in Newell, West Virginia.

In 1937 they began producing Fiestaware, their best selling line. It is one of the world's most collectable earthenware pottery and in 1907, the company's lines made up 10% of china sales in the United States.

The show room and factory is very (enticingly) antiquated with slat board floors, it's situated on a river. If you come from the right direction, you have to cross an awesome one lane toll bridge to get there. They have a factory seconds room that is chocked full of barely-noticeable flawed dishes for dirt cheap. The best part of the room is the big wooden crates that they have the dishes stacked in. It's fun to watch all of the people dig through the stacks.

It's a fun trip to make. I am sick enough to have done it twice!

http://www.hlchina.com/

SUN WORSHIP

Sun

The Next Stop Light

Everyone is in a hurry just to get to the next stop light.
How come no one realizes that they are wishing their lives away?
Where has imagination gone?
People with real knowledge are a dying breed.

The world spins on and I still exist in it.
I went to the store today and couldn't remember
what kind of lipstick I wore.
I put air in my tire and
hurried back to work.

I sat inside at my desk.
My head hurts,
My shoulders heavy with
the weight of fresh realization.

A life heavy on possession
and light on passion
is not the life for me.

Blame it on the Tetons ~ Modest Mouse

All them eager actors gladly taking credit
for the lines created by the people tucked away from sight
is just a window from the room we're bound to.
If you find a way out, oh would you just let me know how?
Would you just let me know how?

Blame it on the web but the spider's your problem now.
Language is the liquid that we're all dissolved in.
Great for solving problems, after it creates a problem.
Blame it on the Tetons.
God, I need a scapegoat now.

Everyone's a building burning with no one to put the fire out.
Standing at the window looking out, waiting for time to burn us down.
Everyone's an ocean drowning with no one really to show how.
They might get a little better air if they turned themselves into a cloud.

Mouse and Kelley Art

Captain Beefheart Mouse & Kelley Poster

Big Brother and the Holding Co. Mouse & Kelley Poster 

Sight and Seeing

My senses have started to stir,
I was blind sided by them.
They had been inconspicuously folded neatly in my dreams,
Layered in needs and wants that had been stored away.

Kiss my skin
inch by inch if you want.
and I'll kiss yours

Goose bumps cross my body,
A spark of recognition.
My eyes open to the dark of the bedroom.

My heart is beating fast,
My nipples hard with anticipation.

Deep Breath.

Put your hands in my hair,
Kiss my back...

Breathe deep...

My eyes flutter,
Sight and seeing are one again.

On Discovering the Ocean

The full moon is silhouetted against the sea, smothering the waves with silver reflections. Sitting on a dune, we watch the continuous ebb and flow, each with our own thoughts. For me, the sea has always been a confidant, a friend absorbing all it is told and never revealing these secrets; always giving the best advice - it's meaningful noises can be interpreted any way you choose. For Alberto, it is a new, strangely perturbing sight, and the intensity with which his eyes follow every wave building, swelling, then dying on the beach, relflects his amazement.


~Che Guevara, The Motorcycle Diaries

Out of My Head

"I find a fatal flaw in the logic of love
And go out of my head."

~The Shins

My Horoscope

At heart you are very gentle, impressionable, and receptive - a dreamer. The world of your imagination, feelings, and intuition is as real to you as anthing in the outer world, though you may have trouble verbalizing or interpreting your inner experiences in a way that others can understand. Mystical, artisitc, musical, emotional and imaginative, you have a rich inner life.