TOMATO IN THE FACE

Some days I get it,
Some days I don't.

I feel odd today....
Felt good before that.

I can't tell you what the difference is,
but I can't sleep anymore.

I feel like a single slice of cheese
on a triple decker sandwhich
with a tomato right on my face.

...and that is the pits.

I don't really feel like
I have life by the tail.

Wish I could be one of those
independent people that could
just ride off into the sunset...

...happily and not need anyone.

But I do.

And I don't want to get used to being alone.
And that is that.

Puss & Bites

Odd luck...


Would you like to touch my mustachy?

My brother got bit in the face by our cat. He had vanished from our party for awhile and I finally located him in the bath room with a face full of tissues. The cat had almost completely bit through his lip! It was the strangest thing that could have possibly happened in the midst of our party!

He tried to save her from an uncomfortable confrontation with Lily and Marco's dog...and she decided to bite him in the face on the way in the house!

When he came out of the bathroom with those bandaids on his lips, we couldn't stop laughing! Lily busted out the Sharpie and gave him the Pierre mustache!

As you can probably imagine, we have some great pictures; for this isn't the only dressing he had on his face for the night!

Smith Mountain Lake

cute

Wow! I had such a great trip to Virginia. It took me 12 hours to get there, but I was greeted with warm hugs and much love. It was what we both needed and things feel so much better. We camped out at the Smith Mountain Lake State Park. AHHHHH! It was sweet!

Chip Eater

cute little eyebrow - need I say more?

Do the eyebrow thing, honey!!! :)

On the Road Again

Another Journey...

Gettin' a bunch under my belt these days.

Got my car all packed and heading south tomorrow for a weekend rendezvous with my man.

Virginia...I hear it's beautiful....and humid... I haven't seen Wile since August 5th. Don't know when he'll be back either, but I scraped up our meager pennies and I loaded the car up with camping gear so that we can spend a couple of days together.

Both of us are so excited. The other night he was talking for a long time about work. He finally said "sorry, I'll stop." I said "That's okay, I'm just listening. You can keep talking." And he goes "I just miss you." Nothing could warm my heart more or make me feel better than that.

We may not have very much money, but we always come up with fun things to do together. I hope it always stays that way.

I'll make the 11 hour trip home on Monday morning. I'm sure I'll feel sad the whole way. But some days together are better than none. That's the best we can do right now.

No Climax in Sight

I'm not the best at staying up all night.
I have this built in clock that starts prodding me
toward bed around 10:30.

When we were on our way home from California,
I had a VERY hard time staying awake all night
while I followed Wile and our U-Haul on the
interstate.

On the first night, before I had that
"Been up for 2 days adrenaline buzz" going on,
I had to drive with the light on so that I wouldn't
doze. During that time, I had a lot of time to think.

I came up with all of these things to write about.
Anything from the music playing at one of the many
Flying J Travel Plazas to the latest weird
3rd shift gas station attendant.

I got my clip board out and I made pages and pages
of random notes about the whole experience
(don't give me any crap about writing and driving...
it's better than dozing and driving! lol.)
and low and behold, the hours flew by and I didn't fall asleep
at the wheel!

I was really excited about the whole story springing
to life through my scribbling.
I left the notes (about 11 pages of them!)
on my clip board for safe keeping.

When we got home, some how, some way...
those pages got lost. I've searched high and low for
them, but there is no happy ending...no climax in sight.

Just lost.

Shit, it would have been a pretty cool story too.

No Locusts Detected

We had a storm last night that scared the poop out of me. If you knew me, you would know that I love love love storms and will sit up at night just to watch them. But this one was a little different.

It was so weird because it came out of the south west and it hailed, rumbled, blew and knocked trees down. Our neighbor's lost part of their boat launch, dock and their jetski's! I missed the initial blast that knocked power out to most of Mid-Michigan (Consumer's Energy estimates a Friday turn on date...good bye groceries!) because I was on my way home from work.

As I got closer to home, things became wetter and wetter, then I started seeing branches in the road and when I passed the Almy Cemetery, there were BIG pines down everywhere. When I pulled in my drive way, I could see the neighbor's out in the yard looking at the mess before them. Mostly it just looked like a junk heap around their dock area. They were all shook up because apparently, the storm came on quick and they were all at the Island hanging around when it came. They were pelted by hail and rain and when they got back to the boat launch, half of them were getting off the boat and half of them were on shore when the big tree came down in between them. Luckily no one got hurt, but it literally brushed past them as it fell, smashing one of the guy's watches on it's way and tearing it off of his arm.

Things quieted down, but it was still rumbling and sprinkling like it always does after a bad storm...kind of like the world has a hang over or something... My friend Scott was standing outside smoking when he poked his head back in and said "I do believe that storm is coming back toward us." My dad, who is an arm chair meteorologist, didn't believe him. I went outside and took a look and sure enough, the wind had changed directions completely and the sky was black with swirling clouds. The storm had pivoted and come back at us from the North West! We watched in awe as the clouds formed scary funnel like shapes and the wind picked up and the rain came in sheets with chain lightening and thunder rolling every few seconds. The second storm lasted for a few hours! We had downed electrical wires and no cell phone signals.

As it got darker, the storm began to wind down. We watched the whole thing sitting in chairs in front of the sliders in the living room. It was just too good to not watch! We still don't have power or water...this should be an interesting week.

My dad kept saying things like "Doesn't it seem like we're in Burma?" He always compares where we are to somewhere else...I just want to say "No, it seems like we're in boring Howard City! You need to get out more, dad." lol.

It's weird because a couple of years ago, we were in such a severe drought, that our pontoon boat was sitting in the mud and now the water is a good 3 or 4 feet ahead of the boat on the dock. It's nice to see the lake at a normal level!

I thought a lot while I was watching this storm about how I wished that Wile could be there with me oohing and ahhhing over the fantastic light show. He doesn't know how much he's cared fore. I can't wait to tell him.

My Dad and I joked that it must be the apocolypse. I told my dad that if he saw locusts to let me know.

ONE COOL MONKEY CHILD

A precious little boy and his array of farm animals. Caleb James, take the mic!

As I Rise

I have come a few miles.
I got blisters on my slippered feet
As I rise, as I ri-ise.
California's ok.
But I think I might stay in the shade
For a while, for a whi-ile.
Ladybird, ladybird
You're the prettiest song I heard
In a while, in a whi-ile.
La di dah, la dah, la di dah dah dah la dah, la la la, la dah
dah-ah.

~THE DECEMBERISTS
HER MAJESTY

I feel like I've come a few miles and I AM going to lay low in the shade for awhile...It's the only way I will feel better.

The joy of pain

A year ago, I left my husband.

I lived out of my car for a week.

...Stayed in my grandparent's motor home for awhile.

...rented a house.

...got a divorce.

Then we moved to California...

and then back again.

Tomorrow would have been 4 years of marriage. Whatever happens in my life, I KNOW that I made the right decision to leave. I saw him today for the first time in a long time. It was sad in the way that I didn't even feel like I ever knew him.

When our world blew up, I stayed with you at Tacoma Lake. We swam under starry skies. That, I've found, is the BEST place to spend time with you.

Maybe I'm a bad person. At least I'm an honest one.

I walked 5 miles today. I wore my head phones and I listened to Cold Roses by Ryan Adams and the Cardinals. It reminded me so much of the pain and excitement and wonder and all of that stuff that was a year ago when everything seemed a lot more tangled. It's amazing to think that it's been a year already. I remember listening to that CD in the motor home and trying to play along on my guitar (for the record, I couldn't.) It was a strange and lonely time for me. Really one of the first times that I was truely alone. I can remember how it smelled in there and I sat at the table eating apples, making jewelry and sneaking off to smoke and calm my nerves. I lost so much weight back then. I kept saying, well at least I still have a job...

Then I lost my job. Heh. Careful what you say! It's like the curse of the hat on the bed. I don't know why though. And I'm sure you don't know what I'm talking about unless you've seen Drugstore Cowboy.

It really is interesting to see the progression of things looking back over the past year and a half. Now I'm working a nice new office job back here in MI... Some things don't change, we're already plotting a course toward the South. Possibly Virginia. The fun never ends.

Before you left we went back to Tacoma Lake and swam under the night sky. I think that I want to do that every year to celebrate not only the joy, but also the pain.

where you left it

God, I've so been in the mood to write! But how? I have such a pile of random things to say!

"But, the white paint and plastic saints say it all."

Earlier, I went for a long walk. I saw a blue van and for a minute I thought he was here.

Just to surprise me...And I could stand on my toes and kiss that little part of your face that rests in the valley between your cheek bone and your jaw line. I wouldn't pull away until I had enough time to smell your hair.

"Wake up, wake up, rains are falling, rains are falling."

A couple of weeks ago, I crashed my car in a rain storm. It wasn't fun. Yesterday it rained a lot on my way home from work and I had an anxious worried feeling when my new car got a little squirrely on the expressway.


My poor Tracker


I feel like summer and life is passing me by. I don't have much enthusiasm for anything. I like my time alone in some ways, but my body feels like it's missing something.

I guess I like hogging the bed and going for drives and listening to my head phones and watching a storm from our couch in the middle of the night. I like the power that lonliness sometimes gives me to be creative, to think clearer, to explore...to do things for myself like paint my toes and write letters.

But, nothing compares to sipping wine and playing scrabble with you...The tiniest thought of you - any glimpse of something pertaining to you...makes me miss you and it makes me love you.

So, that's whats on my mind right now. I been friggin thinking of things to write about all day, but the other things haven't resurfaced.

Your fishing pole is leaning where you left it and I hope you don't stay away too long.

The Zephyr

A train ride home 3/06

born and raised

"I think you're raised and THEN you're born." Brookie said.

How profound, I think.

CAMPTOWN AND THE COYOTE

South Lake Tahoe...Memorial weekend